SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING
SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT
SEX NATURE AND SEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE,
ITS PROPER TRAINING AND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE
H.W. LONG, M.D.
AUTHORIZED EDITION
EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO., INC.
NEW YORK
Copyright 1919, 1922.
MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
[pg
1]
TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE
HANDS THIS BOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR
DIRECTION, THIS VOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE
AUTHOR.
[pg
2]
NOTE TO THE READER
IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS
ESSENTIAL THAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT
ANY SKIPPING WHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND
THERE, AS THE READER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS
THE EARNEST WISH OF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO
OTHER WAY CAN THE PURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED.
[pg
3]
INTRODUCTION
As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the
religious teacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social
worker, or from the doctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has
been a "vox clamantis in deserto." Usually these voices
have fallen on unheeding ears; but again and again some delver in
books, some student of men, some inspired, self-effacing, or
altruistic one has taken up the cry; and at last unthinking,
unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanity has turned to
listen.
Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught
much, concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it
would profit us today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer,
and later, at our very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis,
Freud, Hall, and scores of others have added their voices. All
these have seen whither we were drifting, and have made vigorous
protests according to their lights. Many of these protests should
have been heard, but were not, and only now are just beginning to
be heeded. Such pioneers in the field of proper, healthful,
ethical, religious, sane daily sex living, have been Sturgis and
Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheeding profession of these
things, and now, I have the honor to write an introductory word
to a book in this field, that is sane, wise, practical, entirely
truthful, and unspeakably necessary.
[pg
4]
I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully
because I have, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding
similar views, and dispensing similar, though perhaps less
explicit, information. I know from long observation that the
teaching is wholesome and necessary, and that the results are
universally uplifting. Such teachings improve health, prolong
life, and promote virtue, adding to the happiness and lessening
the burdens of men, on the one hand; on the other, reducing their
crimes and vices. A book like this would have proved invaluable
to me on my entrance to the married state; but had I had it, I
might not have been forced to acquire the knowledge which enables
me now to state with all solemnity, that I personally know
hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of such
knowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others to
whom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has
brought happiness, health and goodness.
Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by
studying himself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex
living, and fearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle
for a long time. I congratulate him for his perspicacity,
temerity, and wisdom. He offers no apology, and there is no
occasion for any. He says, "All has been set down in love, by a
lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in the hope of helping
them on toward a divine consummation." That is, he has developed
these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he [pg 5]has
found them abroad and brought them home; and they worked.
I also speak somewhat ex experientia and have some
intimate personal knowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I
advocate his doctrine, the more readily, and maintain that
humanity needs these ideas as much today as when M. Jules
Lemaitre wrote his late introduction to Michelet's
L'Amour. He said: "Il ne parait pas, apres quarante ans
passes, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Michelet
ait rien perdu de son a-propos." Twenty years more have
elapsed and things have not yet become much better. Frank sex
talks like Dr. Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was
Michelet's book when it was written, or when, after forty years
had passed M. Lemaitre wrote his introduction.
Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that
many of us cannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right,
(it is foolish to attempt to attain anything better than the
best) may be wrong. Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material
and physical, is also wrong; but we never must lose sight of the
palpable fact that, unless we have a proper, stable, natural,
well-regulated physical or material foundation, we must fall
short of all ideals. Proper physical adjustments enable the
realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizable ideals are
chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that should be
human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Long
believes that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing human
happiness and improving [pg 6]health are suitable works with which
to companion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies.
If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe,
I agree with him fully. His book, since it delineates the
numerous details of a normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our
prudish public, only to the profession. I believe it should go to
the larger public as it has gone formerly to his smaller
community.
In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we
of the Occident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning
something of the art of love, and of the natural life of married
people, from the Hindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They,
by adopting the best of our transcendentalism, may reach higher
development than we yet have attained.
The time has come for a book like this to command the
attention of medical men, since now an awakened public demands
from them, as the conservers of life and the directors of
physiological living, explicit directions in everything
pertaining to the physician's calling, not omitting the intimate,
intricate, long taboo and disdained details of sex life and
procreation.
W.F. ROBIE, M.D.
[pg
7]
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
By Dr. W.F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love"
Need for facts about sex and love—Present
ignorance of sex relations—Sex information improves health,
prolongs life, promotes virtue, adds to happiness—Frank
talks needed—This book describes details of normal sex
life, describes art of love, gives explicit instructions
pertaining to intimacies of sex life.
FOREWORD
Answers problems of sex life in the delicate
relations of marriage—Most people too timid to reveal
reasons for their sexual difficulties—Knowledge in a book
less embarrassing to gain—Never before could people find
facts they wanted to know most—This book prepared
especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sex
lives—Gives them facts all married people should
know—Explains how to use that information to make marriage
a success—Especially valuable for newlyweds if read on
honeymoon—Those now married who do not get on well together
will find in this book relief from suffering and
woe.
EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION
Wrong teachings about sex—Children brought up
in ignorance on sex matters—No information given by
parents, schools, churches—But children will find out even
if they go to wrong sources—Some one must tell the
truth—This book does it.
[pg
8]
THE ARGUMENT AND THE
INFORMATION
Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge
concerning sex relations—Sex knowledge denied through
selfishness or prudery—This is wrong because sex is of
highest importance to human beings—Ills, crimes,
misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorant of
knowledge they need—Condemned to suffer tortures when they
might enjoy delights—Sex is clean and natural—At last
sex knowledge may be given freely—Advice in this book
gained from personal and professional experience.
THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE
Definite information now given which will help
husbands and wives to find perpetual and increasing happiness all
their lives—Duty of brides and grooms to acquaint
themselves with each other's sexual needs—No man or woman
should be ashamed of the sexual make-up—They should be
proud of their sexual functions and virility—Read the book
without shame or shock—Gaining honest truth about these
matters is most essential to life.
THE SEX ORGANS
Male sex organs are penis and testicles—Size
and form of penis when at rest and during sexual
excitement—Position of testicles—Why one teste is
larger—Pubic regions in men and women. Female sex organs
are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, and ovaries—Length of
vaginal passage compared with distended penis—Size and
formation of womb—Position of ovaries.
FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS
Primary purpose of sex in the human race—Life is the
result of union of two forces—Birth the same in human
beings as in other forms of life—Process of conception in
female—How female ovum is fertilized by male—When
puberty begins and ends in women.
[pg
9]
Menstruation, its cause and meaning—When ovum may be
impregnated—Origin of sperm in man—Purpose of
prostate gland—What semen is—For birth of new life
union of male and female sex organs necessary—Glans penis
in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting" focal
points—Climax of coitus.
Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as
in animals—One way in which human beings differ from
animals in sex relations—Coitus possible in animals only in
"rutting" season—In human beings coitus enjoyable at any
time—What this difference means to happiness—The
basis of real success in marriage—Married people can reach
highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practice what is
right in sex—No "rights" conferred in sex relations through
the ceremony of marriage.
Different views of sexual relations for purpose of
happiness—Padlocks to prevent exercise of sexual
functions—Effect of falsehoods about sex
relations—Innocent brides and goody-good
husbands—Differences of opinion by brides and grooms lead
to terrible wrongs on marriage night—False teaching often
results in the "rape of the wedding night"—How definite
knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makes for perfect
bliss—The second kind of coitus reserved only for human
beings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual
well-being.
THE ACT OF COITUS
Coitus consists of four parts or acts—Where ninety-nine
one-hundredths of all married troubles begin—Usually
husband's fault due to ignorance or carelessness.
First part of act of coitus—Difference between men and
women in time needed for sexual readiness—Women usually
slower—Prostatic flow and precoital secretion—Coitus
harmful when either partner not fully ready for sexual
union—Taking time most important feature—Special
information for newlyweds—Woman's fear of "something new"
and of pregnancy—Husband should not insist upon "rights"
[pg
10]—Evils which follow this wrong
attitude—True marriage based on mutual love—Key to
married happiness—Married love needs continual care by
husband and wife—Instructions for performing first part of
act of coitus.
Second part of act of coitus—Many positions
possible—Best position—Instructions for performing
second part of act of coitus.
Third part of act of coitus—A common mistake made by
many wives, especially young brides—Need for complete
freedom on part of woman—Length of time
required—Skill and intensity needed by husband and
wife—Instructions for performing third part of act of
coitus.
Fourth and final part of act of coitus—When done
correctly greatest of all human experiences—What happens to
the man—What occurs in the woman—No connection with
possibility of pregnancy—Designed by nature especially for
woman's satisfaction and pleasure—Special instruction for
husband and wife—Review of all the four parts of the act of
coitus.
THE FIRST UNION
Special conditions which must be considered when bride is to
have first sexual congress—Her state of mind—Need for
better acquaintance—What both bride and groom should know
about the woman's sex organs; where located, parts, how
constructed, sensitivity—How shape and size of mouth
indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs.
The hymen or "maidenhead"—Meaning of its presence or
absence—How it may be removed without danger or
pain—First union should be accomplished by mutual desire
and effort—Chances of conception in coitus—Desire for
children.
The right to have children when wanted—A matter of
choice—Difference between infanticide, abortion and
prevention of pregnancy—How husband and [pg
11]wife can tell when there is no danger of
impregnation—A rule of coitus which should never be
violated—What information about pregnancy may be gained
from menstrual period—Most women have two weeks of "free
time" each month—Freedom from fear an accomplishment which
adds to happiness of marriage.
THE ART OF LOVE
Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage
often not matched physically or psychically—Ordinary cases
of physical mismatching—Difference in size of sex organs
may produce unfortunate results—How to discover physical
mismatching—How to correct it—Instructions for
overcoming physical mismatching.
Psychical mismatching—Differences between men and women
cause for great dissatisfaction if not known and
corrected—Instructions for correcting psychical mismatching
if husband is at fault; if wife is at fault—Extending time
of first part of coitus—Inducing pre-coital flow in
woman—Essential that first part of coitus be continued
until woman is ready for second part—Necessity for husband
to know ways to extend time of third part of
coitus—"Keeping the cap on"—What wife can do to
correct physical and psychical mismatching.
Sex stimulation is right and wholesome—Instructions if
normal sex relations are impossible—Special information on
sex stimulation for brides and grooms—Valuable addition to
sex knowledge.
COITUS RESERVATUS
A mental and spiritual love embrace—Fulfillment of
courting—Specially valuable during time when woman is not
"free"—Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to
excess.
Frequency of coitus—Men who wear themselves
out—Women who wear out their husbands—Mismatching in
sexual temperament and desire—How to [pg
12]correct it—Women who are anesthetic to sexual
desire, and how to overcome it—Impotence in men.
How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit to
health—Danger of withholding sex functioning—Sex
organs able to function until late in life—Sexual desires
in women after "change in life"—Proof that Art of Love must
be learned and that it can bring lifelong happiness.
CLEANLINESS
Need for keeping body clean, sexual
reaction—Parts of body woman should be specially careful to
keep clean—Portion of body man should be specially careful
to clean—Effect of mouth and armpit odors.
PREGNANCY
Complete home with children supreme attainment of
life—Begetting children should be deliberate choice by
parents—Proper time for begetting children—Danger of
waiting too long to have children—When first child should
be born—At what age of parents should children be born.
Is coitus wise during pregnancy—How the Art of Love
provides for this time—Passions of women during period of
pregnancy—Criminal for husband to compel coitus upon wife
unless desired by her.
CONCLUSION
Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divine
consummation—Two final instructions—Become master of
the Art of Love—Learn science of Procreation.
About married people who cannot have children—A guide to
happiness—Chief facts of true marriage.
[pg
13]
FOREWORD
To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This
Book May Come:
The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, or
heart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in
each other, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise
of the subject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties
concerned, than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this
came about, and why I have concluded to leave the copy
practically as it was originally written.
In common with nearly all members of our profession who are
engaged in the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers
of married men and women, husbands and wives, patients and
otherwise, who have come to me for counsel and advice regarding
matters which pertain to their sex-life, as that problem
presented itself to them personally. As we all know, many of the
most serious and complicated cases we have to deal with have
their origins in these delicate relations which so often exist
among wedded people, of all classes and varieties.
[pg
14]
For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of
mine, by way of confidential talks and the like, my experience in
this regard probably being about on a par with that of my medical
brethren who are engaged in the same kind of work. It is needless
to say that I found, as you have doubtless found under the same
conditions, many obstacles to prevent satisfactory results, by
this method of procedure. My patients were often so reticent, or
timid and shame-faced, that it was frequently difficult to get at
the real facts in their cases, and, as we all know, many of these
would, for these and other reasons, conceal more than they
revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the most vital and
significant items in their individual cases. All these things, of
course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted in nothing
that was really worth while.
After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating
much on the situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large
percentage of all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go
up against, was almost entirely the result of ignorance on the
part of those who came to consult me; and because knowledge is
always the antidote for not knowing, I came to the conclusion
that, if it were possible to "put these people wise" where they
were now so uninformed, I might at once save them from a deal of
harm and myself from much trouble and annoyance.
Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say
that often "what cannot be said[pg 15] may be sung"; and I
realized that it is equally true that much which would be
awkward, or embarrassing, if said to a person, face to face,
might be got to them in writing with impunity. This I found to be
especially true of my women patients, some of whom might become
suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in a private
conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubts if
they read the same words from a printed page. It was these
considerations which first suggested to me the writing of the
following pages.
Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You
see, at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out
of the knowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of
necessity for me, because of the saving of time which
would thereby be secured. To get any results that would be worth
while in these matters, I would be required to tell about ever so
many things concerning which they were totally ignorant; and to
tell about ever so many things, by word of mouth, to each
individual patient, takes time—ever so much time, if
the work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it
is not well done. So I really was forced to write out what I
wanted to teach these patients of mine.
And let me say further that I was compelled to write these
things out for my people as I have written them, because, in all
the range of literature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing
which would tell them just what it seemed to me they ought to be
told, and what they ought to know.
[pg
16]
And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed
in the following pages. I did not write it at first just as it
now stands, because experience showed me, from time to time,
where my first efforts could be modified and improved. So what is
here presented is the result of many practical demonstrations of
the real working value of what the manuscript contains.
My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As
I have already suggested, what I have written has been prepared
for the sole and express purpose of helping husbands and wives to
live sane and wholesome sex-lives—to give them the
requisite knowledge for so doing; knowledge of themselves and of
each other as sexual beings; the correct ideas regarding such
right manner of living; to disabuse their minds of wrong
sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance, or prudery, or
carelessness, or lust—in a word, to get to them the things
that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them to
practice these things, to the best of their several
abilities.
(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I
have written that deals with the subject of venereal diseases,
any of them. This field is already so well covered by a
literature especially devoted to this subject that it needs no
word of mine to make it as satisfactory as possible, as far as
discoveries regarding the same have progressed. My attempt is
toward making marriage more of a [pg 17] success than it now
is, under existing conditions; and we all know that there is a
limitless field for exploration and exploitation right
there.)
Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written
to be of special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to
the "newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for
a longer or shorter period, and who "have not got on well
together." A word or two regarding each of these:
It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth
a pound of cure," and in no other experience of life is this so
true as in the ills to which married people are peculiarly
subject. Many a newly wedded couple have wrecked the
possibilities of happiness of a life time on their "honeymoon
trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledge to the members of
our profession that the great majority of brides are practically
raped on their entrance into the married relation. Further than
this, we all know that these things are as they are chiefly
because of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than
because they deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to
travel, alone and unguided, over what was to them an unknown way,
one that was beset with pitfalls and precipices, and where
dangers lurked in every forward step they took. It is to these
that I have found what I have written to be a great help at the
time of their utmost need; and the thanks I have received from
such parties have been beyond the power of words to express.
[pg
18]
As to just when it is best to put this information into the
hands of young married people, my experience has varied with the
personality of the parties concerned. In some cases I have put
the copy into their hands some time before their marriage; in
others, not till some time thereafter; but, as a rule, I have got
the best results by putting the manuscript into their hands just
at the time of their marriage, and in most of these cases the
greatest success has come from their reading it together during
their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on which I do not care
to advise, and regarding which each practitioner must act to the
best of his own judgment.
Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married
people are already possessed of the details of the
essential knowledge which they ought to possess, and because such
details are the very heart of the whole matter, I
have made these details as simple and explicit as possible, more
so than might seem necessary to the professional reader. But my
experience has proven that I was wise in this regard, as these
very details have saved the day in more than one case, as the
parties who have reported to me, after having read what I have
written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and groom
would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single
reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for
some time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts
of it, till they were well posted on all that it contains. I
[pg
19]found, too, that those who had received help from the
reading of the manuscript were glad to tell others of their
friends of the benefits they had received, and that thus there
was a constantly widening circle.
Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading
this book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of
them are, and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your
own good sense and experience will determine who these latter
are, and these you can favor as they deserve. It is because of
this situation that this book can only be used professionally
that it needs the guiding hand of an expert physician to insure
its reaching only those who can be benefited by its reading.
As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on
well in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of
these is legion) my experience in getting to them what I have
written has been quite varied; but, on the whole, the results
have been good—many times they have been most excellent. Of
course, it is harder to correct errors than to prevent them; but
as most of the errors I have had to deal with among this class of
patients have been made through ignorance rather than otherwise,
I have found that the establishment of knowledge in the premises
has generally brought relief where before was only suffering and
woe.
Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the
greatest value with these cases of unsatisfactory marital
relations is the fact that, often, by [pg 20]the parties
reading the copy together they have come to a mutual
understanding by so doing, and have established a modus
vivendi which could not have been attained in any other way.
When such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a
prejudiced view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if
ever, come together to consult a physician regarding their
troubles. But the reading of the book together makes a
condition of affairs which is very apt to work out for the best
interests of all parties concerned. Certainly, this is true, that
in no case has the reading of the book made bad matters worse,
and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of them) it has been of
untold value and benefit to the readers.
And because these things are so, because what I have written
has proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded
to give the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other
members of the profession besides myself. I confide it to my
fellow-members in the profession feeling sure that they will use
it among their patients with wisdom and discretion; and my hope
is that their so doing may yield for them and theirs the most
excellent results which have come to me and mine, on these lines,
in the years that have gone by.
Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of
the book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few
capitalized words that appear in the pages, comes from a
duplication of the copy I have used with my patients. I wrote the
original [pg 21]copy in this way for the sake of
giving special emphasis to special points for my readers, and the
results attained I believe were very largely due to the
typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in
this way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus
presented to the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is
to establish a heart-to-heart relation between the author and the
reader which could not be attained in any other way.
All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical
words, never using such a term without explaining its meaning in
plain English in the words that immediately follow it. I found
this an absolute necessity in writing so that the lay reader
could understand, in saying things that would produce
results.
I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject
matter of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely
to get my readers into a proper mental attitude for a
reasonable recognition and understanding of what follows it.
There are so many wrong teachings and biased ideas in the
premises that these had to be counteracted or removed, to a
degree, at least, before the rest of the copy could be rightly
read. My experience is, that the preface, as it stands, has been
the means of putting the readers of the book into a right mental
attitude for its successful study and consideration. For the good
of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those who
need help in the most sacred [pg 22]and significant
affairs of their lives, may the book go on its way, if not
rejoicing in itself, yet causing rejoicing in the lives and
hearts of all who read what its pages contain.
H.W.L.
[pg
25]
SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING
I
AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION
A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to
reconcile sex with the purity of Providence." He never could
understand why God arranged for sex anyway. Why something else
might not have been done. Why children might not have come in
some other fashion.
Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of
history that was not done for money was done for sex. And even
the deviltry that was done and is done for money had, and has sex
back of it. Take sex out of man and you have something worth
while. God must have been short of expedients when God, in sex,
conceived sex. It certainly looks as if the Divine fell down this
time. As if infinity was at the end of its tether. As if the
adept creator for once was caught napping, or for once botched a
job.
So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had
the ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some
places. Too little sex other places. Some people swearing on and
some [pg
26]swearing off. The prostitute giving away that which was
meant to be kept. The virgin keeping that which was meant to be
given away. A force contending with a force. Drawing in opposite
directions when they should be pulling together. Through it all,
motherhood misunderstood. And fatherhood misunderstood. The body
cheapened to the soul. And the soul cheapened to the body. Every
child being a slap in the face of virtue.
Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to?
This philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing
surrender?
The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in
the age of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are
not to give sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance.
They are always asking questions. But we don't answer their
questions. The church don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the
schools. Not even mothers and fathers. Nobody who could answer
answers them. But they don't go unanswered. They get answered.
And they get answered wrong instead of right. They get answered,
smutched instead of washed. They get answered blasphemously
instead of reverently. They get answered so that the body is
suspected instead of being trusted.
A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl
who knows nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing
nothing comes. Men who have been such boys know nothing. Women
who have been such girls know nothing. From nothing [pg
27]nothing comes. They have become familiar with sex
circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best they
knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its
fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They
were lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took
sex as they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush.
They had got past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men
and women. They didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its
privileges, they still seemed to regard it as something not to be
gloried in. The least said about it the soonest mended. Mothers
and fathers would say to children: "You'll know about it soon
enough." Teachers would say: "Ask your questions at home." Home
would say: "What ever started you thinking about such
things?"
The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex
that everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with
my body that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful
to me. I like to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell
it. But I'm always hurried into my clothes. My body is so
mysteriously precious I must take care of it. But how am I to
take care of it if I don't get acquainted with it?
I find that having a body has something to do with being a
father and a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a
mother. But how can I be a father or mother if some one who knows
doesn't tell me what precedes fatherhood and motherhood? [pg 28]I
should prepare for it. How can I if all the books are closed? How
can I if I am blanked every time I express my curiosity? Is there
no one anywhere who'll be honest with me?
If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like
something which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like
something not polluted, but purified. Like something having
everything, instead of only an occasional thing, to do with life.
But the world shakes its head. The world is nasty. But it puts on
airs. The world has eaten. But the world says it's best to
starve. Folks will say they've got to be parents. But they say
they will regret it. They say sex is here. They say we're up
against its mandates or its passions. But let's be as decent as
we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its margins. Let's
not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who would eat
if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To say
that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal
desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a
sin.
Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an
ascent. That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion.
You never suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid
to assume heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract
from my anatomy. I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my
soul. I must withdraw my body from the public eye. From
discussion. From its instinctive avowals. Our bodies [pg
29]must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are born.
Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is
only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that
little while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They
cavalierly settle the case of the body against itself.
So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the
anomalous situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex
into the worse it seems. Someone's got to peach. Someone's
got to tell the truth. In a world of liars who are hushers? In a
world of hushers who are liars? Someone's got to tell the
truth. Someone's got to give sex its due. You can't give
spirit its due until you give sex its due. You can't accept
one and cast aside one. They go together. They are
inseparable.
You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops
and the other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither
commences. Maybe they are not two things but two names. Maybe
when you put a body into a grave you put a soul there too. And
maybe you put neither there. It's not so easy to say.
I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more
marvelous than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a
mother. Maybe you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing
about it. To me it's mysterious. To me it's the supreme
demonstration of the spiritual.
How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept
clean. It starts clean. [pg 30]Why do we corrupt it? You who
disparage it corrupt it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous
roues anywhere. You corrupt it. By your excesses. You who never
say yes. You who never say no. You corrupt it.
You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to
you. What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly
closed the question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God
by silence. I would praise God by speech.
[pg
31]
II
THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION
No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages,
but a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear,
from the outset, the reasons why it has been written.
It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that
the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the
generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the
betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends
can make a steady and reliable advance.
Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the
vegetable or animal kingdom, where instinct is the only
means for the transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this
feature that differentiates man from all other created
beings.
But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences,
in all Christian civilized countries, it has been considered
wrong, even in some cases being counted a criminal offense,
punishable by fine and imprisonment, for anyone to make any
record of, or transmit to anyone else, any knowledge that may
have been acquired regarding sex relations in the human
family.
[pg
32]
To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a
body of professional knowledge of this sort, made and
prepared by physicians, but confined strictly to that class of
people. No attempt has been made to disseminate such
knowledge among those who most need it—the common people.
On the contrary, every possible effort is put forth to keep such
knowledge from them. This is wholly at variance with the practice
regarding all other forms of human knowledge, which is to spread,
as widely as possible, all known data that have so far been
obtained.
There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the
reasons for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief
cause of its status, past and present, is grounded on two
sources: The first of these is a brutal selfishness which has
come over to modern times from a savage past; the second is a
sort of pious prudery.
The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject
of sex in the human family, with its functions and mission in
human affairs, together with its proper training, discipline and
exercise—to make all these things tabu, something to
be ashamed of and ignored as much as possible, and all the
knowledge regarding them that one generation has been permitted
to transmit to those who come after, may be summed up in these
words, namely "Thou shalt not."
Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things,
all this is just as bad as it can [pg 33]possibly be. For, of
all phenomena with which the human race has to do, that of the
highest importance, so far as the well-being of the race is
concerned, is that which has to do with sex in men and women. A
large percentage of all the physical ailments in mankind and
womenkind arise from errors in sexual life, and these are but
trifles compared with the mental and spiritual disasters which
come upon humanity from the same source. It is probably true that
more than one-half of all the crimes that are committed in the
civilized world are more or less directly connected with sex
affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as sex
aberrations.
And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise
because of ignorance in the matter of sex in which the
rank and file of the race are forced to live. Few of these ever
acquire any positive and definite knowledge in the premises, and
if they do learn anything for sure, they keep it to
themselves, inspired to do so by a false belief regarding the
rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by a false modesty,
or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else what they
have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters. And so
the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs in
life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their
predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go
by. Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die
every generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the
damned while they live, when they should enjoy [pg
34]the delights of the elect, and would do so if they only
knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in accordance
with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs.
But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will
slowly come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the
intelligent world is beginning to emerge from a condition of
conformity to the say-so of some one supposed to speak with
authority, and to come into a realm of obedience only to a law
that has a scientific basis of actual knowledge for its
foundation.
For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have
been directed and determined by the clergy and by their
teachings and pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right.
There is no need of saying hard things about such a fact;
nevertheless, it is true that, for the most part, all the dicta
of these men have originated amongst those who knew nothing of
the scientific conditions regarding the subject on which
they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the blind, and
the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing with the
dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause, have
fallen therein.
This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the
essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling
block and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are
coming to see that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a
scientific knowledge of, than any other part of the [pg
35]human body—the eye, the ear or whatsoever.
Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor for a
knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by the
frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best
newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar
discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books
that now go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in
the attempts that are occasionally being made to introduce the
subject of sexual hygiene into our public schools and other
educational institutions. "The world do move!"
It is for these reasons—because it is right to transfer
to you and to those who come after, the sex knowledge that has
been acquired by the author, by reading scientific and
professional literature upon the subject, by conference with men
and women who know, and by personal and professional experience,
that what follows is written.
[pg
36]
III
THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE
So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in
hand. It is more the especial purpose of what follows, however,
to treat of the matter of marriage in particular, to say
something definite to young husbands and wives that shall be of
real benefit to them, not only by way of starting them out
right in the new and untried way upon which they have entered,
but to help them to make that way a realm of perpetual and ever
increasing joy to both parties concerned, throughout its entire
course, their whole lives long.
Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride
and groom, before they engage in sexual commerce with each other,
to acquaint themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology
of the sex organs of human beings, both male and female, and to
make the acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and
matter-of-fact an affair as though they were studying the nature,
construction and functions of the stomach, or the digestive
processes entire, or the nature and use of any of the other
bodily organs. "Clear and clean am I within and without; clear
and clean is every scrap and part of me, and no part shall be
held more sacred or preferred [pg 37]above another. For
divine am I, and all I am, or contain."
Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would
pursue a study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that
they have been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is
immodest, not to say indecent or positively wicked. They have
longed to be possessed of such knowledge, all their lives; in
most cases more than any other form of wisdom that it was
possible for them to make their own. But its acquirement has been
placed beyond their possible reach, and it is only by the most
clandestine and often nasty means that they have attained what
little they know. But the quotation made in the last paragraph,
sounds the key note of what is right in this matter, and
the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to
establish in himself or herself the condition of mind which
these lines embody.
And it had better be said, right here, that for most young
people this will be found to be no easy thing to do. Nor
should the reader feel ashamed or chagrined, or at odds with
himself or herself if he or she finds such condition of affairs
existing in his or her case. For it is nothing for which they are
to blame. It is a misfortune and not a fault. It is only the
result of inherited and inculcated (the word inculcated means
kicked in) ideas to which all "well bred" youths have been
subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer they were
kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name for
[pg
38]ignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's
self loose, to break or tear one's self away from such a mental
view and condition as heredity and such years of rigorous
restraint have developed, is no small task. Indeed, it often
takes months, and sometimes years, wholly to rid one's self of
these deep seated and powerful, wrong views and prejudices.
Remember this: that to the pure all things are pure.
But do not make the mistake of thinking that this much abused
sentence means that purity means emptiness! It does no
such thing. On the contrary, it means fullness, to
perfection. It means that one should be possessed of the
right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be of supreme
quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organs and
sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try to
divest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on
the contrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be
proud, rather than ashamed of, rejoice in, rather
than suffer from.
So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct
mental attitude toward what is about to be said. Banish
all prurient curiosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock,
(these two will be hardest for young women to overcome, because
of their training in false modesty and prudishness) and endeavor
to approach the subject in a reverent, open-eyed, conscientious
spirit, as one who wishes, above everything else, to know the
honest truth in these most essential matters that pertain to
human life. [pg 39]Get into this frame of mind, and
keep in it, and what is here written will be read with
both pleasure and profit.
Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate
affairs, if the reader should find himself or herself unduly
excited, or perhaps shocked, while reading some parts of what is
here written, so that the heart beats too fast, or the hand
trembles, it may be well to suspend the reading for a time,
divert the mind into other channels for a while, and resume the
reading after one has regained poise and mastery of one's self.
That is, "keep your head" while you read these lessons,
and you will be all right.
[pg
40]
IV
THE SEX ORGANS
And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is
clear for the making of definite statements and the giving of
positive instruction.
Here, then, is a brief description of the sex organs in man
and woman. At first, only the names of the parts will be given,
with such slight comments and explanations as are necessary for
making this part of the subject clear. A detailed setting forth
of the functions and proper exercise of these organs will be
given later.
The sex organs in a male human being consists, broadly
speaking, of the penis and the testicles. All these are located
at the base of the abdomen, between the thighs and on the forward
part of the body. The penis is a fleshy, muscular organ, filled
with most sensitive nerves, and blood vessels that are capable of
extension to a much greater degree than any of their similars in
other parts of the body. In a quiescent, or unexcited condition,
in the average man, this organ is from three to four inches long
and about an inch or more in diameter. It hangs limp and pendent
in this state, retired and in evidence not at all. In its
excited, or tumescent condition [pg 41](the word tumescent
means swelled, and is the technical word for describing the erect
condition of the penis) it becomes enlarged and rigid, its size
in this state being, on an average, six or seven inches long, and
from an inch-and-a-half to two inches in diameter. It is almost
perfectly cylindrical, slightly thicker at the base than at its
forward part.
The testicles are two kidney shaped glands, not far from the
size of a large hickory nut, and are contained in a sort of sack,
or pocket, called the scrotum, which is made for their
comfortable and safe carrying. The scrotum hangs directly between
the thighs, at the base of the penis, and in it are the
testicles, suspended by vital cords that are suspended from the
body above. The left testicle hangs a little higher in the sack
than the right, so that, in case the thighs are crowded together,
one testicle will slip over the other, and so the danger of
crushing them will be avoided. This is one of the many ways which
the Maker of the human body has devised to insure the proper
preservation of the vital organs from harm, a fact which should
inspire all human beings with profound reverence for this most
wonderful of all life forms, the beautiful human body, the
"temple of the Holy Spirit."
The part of the body upon which the sex organs, male and
female, are located is known as the pubic region. It is covered
with hair, which, in both sexes, extends well up the lower belly.
This is known as pubic hair, and in general corresponds in
quality and quantity to the hair upon the individual head, [pg
42]being coarse or fine, soft or bristly, to match, the
head covering, in each case. This hair is usually more or less
curly, and forms a covering an inch or more in depth over the
whole pubic region, extending back between the thighs slightly
beyond the rectum. In occasional cases this hair is straight and
silky, and sometimes grows to great length, instances being
known, in some women, where it has extended to the knees. A
well-grown and abundant supply of fine pubic hair is a possession
highly prized by women, of which they are justly proud, though
few of them would acknowledge the fact, even to themselves. None
the less it is a fact.
The female sex organs, speaking generally also, are as
follows: The vulva, or outward portion of the parts; the vaginal
passage; the uterus, or womb, and the ovaries. All but the first
named lie within the body of the woman. The vulva is made up of
several parts which will be named and described later. The
vaginal passage is a tube, or canal leading from the vulva to the
womb. In length and diameter it corresponds almost exactly with
that of the penis, being six or seven inches in depth, and
capable of a lateral extension which will readily admit the
entrance of the male organ when the two are brought together. The
vaginal passage opens into, and terminates in the uterine, or
womb cavity.
The womb is a pear shaped sack which is suspended in the womb
cavity by cords and muscles from above. It hangs, neck downwards,
and is, in its unimpregnated condition, about two and a half
[pg
43]inches in diameter at its upper, or widest part,
tapering to a thin neck at its lower end. It is hard and muscular
in its quiescent state, filled with delicate and most sensitive
nerves and capacious blood vessels. At its lower, or neck end, it
opens directly into the vaginal passage.
The ovaries are two in number, and are situated on each side
of, and above the womb, in the region of the upper groins. They
are small, fan shaped glands, and are connected with the uterus
by small ducts which are known as the fallopian tubes.
As already stated, the exterior parts of the body, in which
the female sex organs are located, are covered with hair for
their adornment and protection.
Such in brief, are the male and female sex organs in human
beings. A further description of them and their functions and
proper use we are now ready to consider.
[pg
44]
V
THE FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS
It hardly need be stated here, for it is a matter of common
knowledge, that the primary purpose of sex in the human
family is the reproduction of the race. In this respect,
considered merely on its material, or animal side, mankind
differs little from all other forms of animate life. As Whitman
says, we see "everywhere sex, everywhere the urge of
procreation." The flowers are possessed of this quality, and with
them all vegetable forms. In the animal kingdom the same is true.
Always "male and female" is everything created.
And the chief facts in reproduction are practically the same
wherever the phenomena occur. Here, as everywhere else in the
world, when a new life-form appears, it is always the result of
the union of two forces, elements, germs or whatsoever.
These two elements differ in nature and in function, and each is
incomplete and worthless by itself. It is only by the combining
of the two that any new result is obtained. It is this fact that
has led to the most suggestive and beautiful phrase "The duality
of all unity in nature."
Many centuries ago an old Latin philosopher wrote the now
celebrated phrase, Omne ex ovo, which, [pg
45]translated, means everything is from an egg.
This is practically true of all life-forms. Their beginning is
always from an ovum, or egg. In this respect, the reproduction of
human beings is the same as that of any other life-form.
Now in this process of producing a new life-form, the female
is always the source of the egg, out of which the new creation is
to come. This egg, however, is infertile of itself, and must be
given life to, by mingling with its germ, an element which only
the male can produce and supply. This element is technically
known as a sperm, or a spermatozoa. Its function is to fertilize
the dormant germ in the egg produced by the female, and thus to
start a new and independent life-form. This life-form, thus
started, grows according to the laws of its becoming more and
more, until, at the expiration of a fixed period, which varies
greatly in different animals, it becomes a complete young
individual, of the nature and kind of its parents. The
fertilization of the ovum in the female is called conception; its
growing state is called gestation, and its birth, on becoming a
separate being, is called parturition. In its growing condition,
and before its birth, the new young life form is known as the
foetus.
Now it is the fertilization of the ovum in the female (and
from now on, it is only of the male and female in the human
family that mention will be made) by the male, in the woman, by
the man, that is of supreme interest and importance to both the
parties concerned in producing this result. How this [pg 46]is
brought about is substantially as follows:
As already stated, the infertile ovum, or egg, is produced by
the woman. Such production begins at what is known as the age of
puberty, or when the hair begins to grow upon the pubic parts of
the female body. The time of the appearance of this phenomenon in
feminine life varies from the age of nine or ten years to fifteen
or sixteen. The average, for most girls, is fourteen years of
age. At this time the formation of ova, or eggs, in the female
body begins, and it continues, in most women, at regular
intervals of once in twenty-eight days, except during pregnancy
and lactation, for a period of about thirty years. During all
this time, under favorable conditions, it is possible for the
ovum produced by the woman to become fertilized, if it can meet
the sperm of the male.
In a general way, this meeting of the infertile ovum of the
woman with the sperm of the man can be brought about, as
follows:
The ova are produced by the ovaries (the word ovaries means
egg producers) where they slowly develop from cells which
originate in these glands. When they have reached maturity, or
are ready for fertilization, they pass out of the ovaries and
down into the womb, by way of the fallopian tubes. As already
stated, such passage of the ova from the ovaries into the womb
occurs every twenty-eight days, and it is accomplished by a more
or less copious flow of blood, a sort of hemorrhage, which
carries the ova down through the fallopian tubes, [pg
47]and deposits them in the womb. This blood, after
performing its mission of carrying the ova down into the womb,
escapes from the body through the vaginal passage and is cared
for by the wearing of a bandage between the thighs. This flow of
blood continues for about five days, and is known as a menstrual
flow; and this time in a woman's life is known as the menstrual
period. It is so named because of the regularity of its
recurrence, the word mensa meaning a month. In
common parlance, these periods are often spoke of as the
"monthlies."
After the ovum has reached the womb it remains there for a
period of about ten days, after which, if it is not fertilized
during that time, it passes out of the womb into the vaginal
passage, and so out of the body. But if, at any time after it is
ripe for fertilization, that is, from the time it begins its
journey from the ovaries to the womb, and while it is in the
womb, the ovum is met by the male sperm, it is liable to
become fertilized—conception is possible. These are facts
of the utmost importance, to be thoroughly understood and
kept well in mind by all married people who would live happily
together, as will be hereafter shown.
So much regarding the female part of the meeting of the ovum
and the sperm. The male part of this mutual act is as
follows:
The sperm, or spermatozoa, originate in the testicles. Each
sperm is an individual entity and several thousands of
them are produced and in readiness for use, at each
meeting of the male and female [pg 48]generative organs;
and if any one of the countless number comes in contact
with the unfertilized ovum in the womb, conception is
liable to result.
These sperms are so small that they are not visible to the
naked eye, but they are readily seen by the use of a microscope.
In shape they much resemble tad-poles in their earliest
stages.
At the base of the penis, well up in the man's body, there is
a large gland which surrounds the penis like a thick ring, and
which is called the prostate gland. It secretes a mucous fluid
which looks much like, and is about the consistency of the white
of an egg. Close to this gland, and almost a part of it, is a
sack, or pocket, into which the mucous secretion from the
prostate gland is poured, and where it is kept, ready for use, in
performing its part of the germinal act.
Now it is the business of this mucous fluid, which comes from
the prostate gland, to form a "carrying medium" for the
spermatozoa which originate in the testicles. There are small
ducts leading from the testicles into the pocket which contains
the prostate fluid. These are known as the seminal ducts, and
through them the spermatozoa pass from the testicles into the
prostate pocket. Here they mingle with the prostate fluid, in
which they can move about freely, and by means of which they can
be carried wherever this fluid goes. The combination of prostate
fluid and spermatozoa is called "semen."
Seen under a microscope, a single drop of semen reveals a
multitude of spermatozoa swimming about [pg 49]in the
prostate-carrying medium. It is in this form that the vitalizing
male element meets the female infertile ovum. This mass of live
and moving germs is poured all around and about the region in
which the ovum lies waiting to be fertilized, and every one of
them seems to be "rushing about like mad" to find what it is sent
to do, namely, to meet and fertilize the ovum. The manner of
depositing the semen where it can come in contact with the ovum
is as follows:
In order that this mingling of the male and female sources of
life may be possible, it is necessary that there be a union of
the male and the female generative organs. For such meeting, the
penis is filled with blood, all its blood vessels being distended
to their utmost capacity, till the organ becomes stout and hard,
and several times its dormant size, as has been already told. In
this condition it is able to penetrate, to its utmost depths, the
vaginal passage of the female, which is of a nature to perfectly
contain the male organ in this enlarged and rigid condition.
Under such conditions, the penis is inserted into the widened and
distended vaginal passage. Once together, a mutual back and
forth, or partly in and out movement, of the organs is begun and
carried on by the man and woman, which action further enlarges
the parts and raises them to a still higher degree of tension and
excitement. It is supposed by some that this frictional movement
of the parts develops an electrical current, which increases in
tension as the act is continued; and that it is the [pg
50]mission of the pubic hair, which is a non-conductor, to
confine these currents to the parts in contact.
Now there are two other glands in these organs; one in the
male and one in the female, which performs a most wonderful
function in this part of the sexual act. These are the "glans
penis" in the male and the "clitoris" in the female. The first is
located at the apex of the male organ, and the other at the
upper-middle and exterior part of the vulva. These glands are
covered with a most delicate cuticle, and are filled with highly
sensitive nerves. As the act progresses, these glands become more
and more sensitized, and nervously surcharged, until, as a
climax, they finally cause a sort of nervous explosion of the
organs involved. This climax is called an "orgasm" in scientific
language. Among most men and women it is spoken of as
"spending."
On the part of the man, this orgasm causes the semen, which
till this instant has remained in the prostate pocket, to be
suddenly driven out of this place of deposit, and thrown in jets,
and with spasmodic force, through the entire length of the penis,
and, as it were, shot into the vaginal passage and the uterine
cavity, till the whole region is literally deluged with the
life-giving fluid. At the same time, the mouth of the womb opens
wide; and into it pours, or rushes, this "father stuff," entirely
surrounding and flooding the ovum, if it be in the womb. This is
the climax of the sexual act, which is called "coitus," a word
which means, going together.
With the myriads of spermatozoa swarming [pg
51]about it, if the vital part of the ovum comes in
contact with some one of them, any one of which, brought into
such contact, will fertilize it, conception results. The woman is
then pregnant, and the period of gestation is begun.
This is a brief description of the act of coitus and of the
means by which pregnancy takes place. It is, however, only a
small part of the story of the sex relations of husbands and
wives; and, be it said, a very small part of that, as will
now be shown.
As has already been said, this use of the sex organs, merely
to produce progeny, and so insure a continuance of the race, is a
quality that mankind shares with all the rest of the animal
kingdom. In all essentials, so far as the material parts of the
act are concerned, the beginnings of the new life in the human
family differ not a whit from that of any other mammals. In each
case the ovum is produced by the ovaries of the female, passes
into the womb, is there met by the semen from the male,
fertilized by the spermatozoa, and so the foetus gets its start.
This is the universal means by which the beginnings of all animal
reproductive life takes place.
But there is another phase in the sex life of human beings,
which is entirely different from that of all other
animals, and which must therefore be considered beyond all that
needs to be said regarding the act of coitus for reproductive
purposes only. This we are now ready to consider and study.
Now in all animals, except human beings, the act of coitus is
only permitted by the female, (it would [pg 52]seem is only
possible for her) when the ovum is present in the womb and
ready to be fertilized. At all other times, all female
animals, except woman, are practically sexless. Their sexual
organs are dormant, and nothing can arouse them to
activity. Not only do they fail to show any desire for coitus,
but if an attempt should be made to force it upon them, they
would resist it to the utmost of their strength.
But when the ovum is present in the womb, these same female
animals are beside themselves with desire for coitus. They are
then spoken of as "in heat." And until they are satisfied, by
meeting the male and procuring from him the vitalizing fluid
which will fertilize their infertile ovum; or, failing in this,
until the ovum passes away from them, out of the womb, they know
no rest. At such times they will run all risks, incur all sorts
of danger, do every possible thing to secure pregnancy. The
thousand-and-one ways which female animals use to make known to
their male mates their sexual desire and needs, when in heat, is
a most interesting and wonderful story, a record made up of facts
which would be well worth any student's knowing. But as all such
knowledge can readily be procured from books which are within the
reach of all, there is no need of noting the data here.
But now, in woman, all these things are different! As a
matter of fact, the presence of the ovum in the womb of a
normally made woman makes little, and, in many cases, no
difference whatever as regards her status concerning the act
of coitus! That is, [pg 53]women are never "in heat," in the
same sense in which other female animals are. To be sure, in some
cases, though they are rare, some women are conscious of a
greater desire for coitus just after the ceasing of the menstrual
flow; that is, when the ovum is in the womb. But such cases are
so infrequent that they may well be counted atavistic, that is,
of the nature of a tendency to return to a previous merely animal
condition. For the most part, it is true of all normal women that
the presence of the ovum in the womb makes little difference, one
way or another, in regard to their desire for, or aversion to,
the act of coitus.
Now the fact of this remarkable difference in the sex-status
of women and the same quality in all other female animals leads
us to a great number of interesting, not to say startling,
conclusions, some of which are as follows:
In the first place, the phenomenon clearly establishes the
fact that sex in the female human being differs,
pronouncedly, from that of all other female life. For,
whereas, among all females except woman, coitus is
impossible, except at certain times and seasons, among
women the act can not only be permitted, but is as much possible
or desired at one time as any other, regardless of the
presence or absence of the ovum in the womb. That is (and this
point should be noted well by the reader) there is a
possibility, on the part of the female humanity, for
coitus, under conditions that do not at all obtain in any
other female animal life.
[pg
54]
This is a conclusion which is of such far-reaching importance
that its limits are but dimly recognized, even in the clear
thinking of most married people. The fact of such difference is
known to them, and their practices in living conform to the
conditions; but what it all means, they are entirely ignorant of,
and they never stop to think about it.
And yet, right here is the very center and core of the real
success or failure of married life! Around this fact are
grouped all the troubles that come to husbands and wives. About
it are gathered all the joys and unspeakable delights of the
happily married—the only truly married. It is these items
which make a knowledge of the real conditions which exist,
regarding this part of married life, of such supreme importance.
If these conditions could be rightly understood, and the actions
of husbands and wives could be brought to conform to the laws
which obtain under them, the divorce courts would go out of
business, their occupation, like Othello's, would be "gone
indeed."
The first conclusion, then, one that is forced upon the
thoughtful mind by the fact of this difference in the sex
possibilities of women and other female animals, is, as already
stated, but which is here repeated for emphasis, that coitus
can be engaged in by women when pregnancy is
not its purpose, on her part; and that this never
occurs in any other form of female life!
In view of this fact, is it too much to raise the question
whether or not sex in woman is designed to [pg
55]fulfill any other purpose than that of the reproduction
of the race? True it is, that the only function of sex in
all other females is merely that of producing offspring—of
perpetuating its kind. Under no circumstances does it ever
serve any other end, fulfill any other design. There is
no possibility of its doing so!
But one can help wondering if it is not true that, with the
existence of the possibility of engaging in coitus at
will, rather than at the bidding of instinct alone,
there has also come a new and added function for
the sex-natures that are capable of engaging in such
before-unknown experiences? To a fair-minded person, such
conclusion seems not only logical, but irresistible! That is in
view of this conclusion, it naturally follows that sex in the
human family is positively designed to fulfill a function that
is entirely unknown to all other forms of animal life. And
from this, it is but a step to the establishment of the fact that
sex exercise in the human family serves a purpose other than
that of reproduction!
Now, this fact established, a whole world of new issues arises
and demands settlement. Among these, comes the supreme question:
What is the nature of this new experience that has been
conferred upon human beings, over and above what is vouchsafed to
any other form of animal life? What purpose can it serve? How can
it be properly exercised? What is right and what is wrong under
these new possibilities? These are some of the issues that
force themselves upon all thoughtful people, those who
wish to [pg 56]do right under any and all
circumstances in which they are placed.
Of course, here as elsewhere, the unthinking, the
happy-go-lucky and the "don't-give-a-damn," can blunder along in
almost any-old-way. But they can, and will, reap only the reward
which always follows blundering and ignorance. In these days of
scientific clear-thinking, we have come to understand that
salvation from sin comes by the way of positive knowledge and
not at the hands of either ignorance or innocence! If
husbands and wives ever attain to the highest conditions of
married life, it can only be after they know and practice,
what is right in all their sex relations, both for reproductive
purposes and in all other respects! Note that well!
As things are now, especially in all civilized countries, and
particularly among Christian people, this secondary
function of sex in the human family, while blindly recognized as
a fact, is none the less abused, to a most shameful degree. For
ages, the whole situation has been left in a condition of most
deplorable, not to say damnable, ignorance; and no honest
endeavor has been made to find out and act up to the truth in the
premises. Husbands and wives have engaged in coitus ad
libitum, utterly regardless of whether it was right or wrong
for them to do so! They have taken it for granted that
marriage conferred on them the right to have sexual
intercourse whenever they chose, (especially when the man chose,)
and they have acted accordingly. This is especially true of men,
and the practice has been [pg 57]carried to such length that the
right of a man to engage in coitus with his wife has been
established by law, and the wife who refuses to yield this
"right" to her husband can be divorced by him, if she persists in
such way of living! It is such a fact as this which caused Mr.
Bernard Shaw to write: "Marriage is the most licentious
institution in all the world." And he might rightfully have added
"it is also the most brutal," though it is an insult to the brute
to say it that way, for brutes are never guilty of coitus
under compulsion. But a husband can force his wife to submit to
his sexual embraces, and she has no legal right to say him
nay! This doesn't seem quite right, does it?
Now there are several different ways of viewing this new and
added sexual possibility in the human family, namely, the act of
coitus for other than reproductive purposes. The Catholic church
has always counted it as a sin. Popes have issued edicts
regarding it, and conclaves of Bishops have discussed it and
passed resolutions regarding it. There has always been a
difference of opinion upon the subject amongst these dignitaries
and authorities, but they all agree in one respect, namely, that
it is a sin. The only point of difference has been as to
the extent or enormity of the sin! By some it has been reckoned
as a "deadly sin," punishable by eternal hell fire, if not duly
absolved before death; by others it has been held to be only a
"venial sin," one that must always be confessed to the priest
when coitus is engaged in, and which can be pardoned by the
practice [pg 58]of due penance. But, always, it
was a sin!
The Protestant church has never issued edicts regarding this
matter, but, for the most part, it has tacitly held to the
Catholic teaching in theory, while universally
practicing the reverse, in actual married life.
Protestants have looked upon it as a necessity, but have taught
that it was regrettable that such was the case. They have
held, with Paul, that, "it is better to marry than to burn." And
most of them have chosen the marriage horn of the dilemma.
Among some European nations, attempts have been made to make
it impossible for husbands and wives to cohabit except for
reproductive purposes. In one of these nations, padlocks were
used for preventing the act. A slit was made through the foreskin
of the penis, and through this slit the ring of a padlock was
passed, much as an ear-ring is passed through the lobe of a
lady's ear. The padlock was made so large that it could not be
introduced into the vaginal passage, and so coitus was impossible
when it was worn. It could only be removed by the magistrate into
whose hands the regulation of this part of the citizens' life was
given. Specimens of these padlocks are still to be seen in
European museums.
Now the terribly immoral thing in all this way of living has
always been the fact that it compelled people to
continually violate their consciences, by
pretending to believe one thing and constantly
practicing the reverse of their proclaimed belief. That
is, it lured them into living a continual lie, and such [pg
59]can never be for the good of the soul! It goes
without saying that the sooner this abominable way of living can
be ended, the better it will be for all parties
concerned—the individuals who are the victims of such
falsehood, and the communities of which they form a part.
From all this it follows that the first thing every new
husband and wife ought to do is to settle clearly in
their own minds the issue as to whether it is right or wrong for
them to engage in coitus for any other than procreative
purposes. Having settled this point, one way or the other,
then let them conscientiously act accordingly. For only so can
they live righteous lives!
In settling this point, so far as available authorities for
the young people to study and consider are concerned, these are
all against coitus except for begetting of off-spring. All
the "purity" writers and Purity Societies are ranged together on
the negative side. Likewise are all the books of "advice to young
wives and husbands," especially those addressed to young
wives.
Now all these "authorities" base their whole argument upon the
purely animal facts in the premises. Probably a certain
Dr. C. is more largely read for information on these matters than
any other author, especially among young women. He has written a
large, and from the view-point he takes, a very plausible volume;
and it is very extensively advertised, especially in papers which
young women read. The result is that it has come to be almost a
standard [pg 60]authority in these affairs.
Dr. C.'s argument is, baldly, as follows:—(a) Among
animals, the universal practice is a single act of coitus for
each begetting of off-spring, (b) Human beings are animals, (c)
Therefore, human beings should only engage in coitus for
reproductive purposes.
To this syllogism he adds a corollary, which is, that,
therefore, all sexual commerce in the human family, for any other
than reproductive purposes, is wrong. These are his texts,
so to speak, and through several hundred pages he preaches,
don't, don't, don't, sermons. The entire volume is one of
denial and prohibition. He proclaims the act, even for the one
purpose he allows to be right, as low, and in itself degrading,
to be engaged in only after "prayer and fasting" and "mortifying
the flesh," and even then, in the most passionless, and only
done-because-it-has-to-be manner; as a mere matter of duty; to be
permitted by sufferance; joyless, disgusting in itself; a
something to be avoided, even in thought, other than it is a
necessity for the continuance of the race.
It is from such data as this that thousands of "innocent"
brides annually make up their minds as to what is right or wrong
in the matter of sexual intercourse.
In doing this, most of these young women are perfectly
conscientious, and want to do the right thing, and there are two
items in the count that naturally lead them to accept Dr. C.'s
teachings [pg 61]as correct. The first is, that it
coincides with all they have ever heard about such matters; the
second, that the Doctor flavors all his text with a religious
quality, of the alleged most sacred sort. He instances saintly
women who have lived the most ascetic lives, and whose religious
status was achieved because, and by means of, their perfect
chastity. In fact, this word "chastity" (which he translates as
entire renunciation of the whole sex nature) becomes the test
word of his whole treatise, and its practice is upheld as the
true road to all goodness and virtue.
Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are
naturally religious (and not a word should be said against their
being so) and they are anxious to time their lives to everything
that the highest religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore,
most natural that, being thus taught by an authority for which
they have the highest regard, they enter marriage with the
fixed opinion in accordance with their teaching. How could
it be otherwise?
On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now
and then a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of
the whole lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any
such theory, much less to live any such life as this theory would
impose. These "don't care what the book says," and, from the
manner of their bringing up, from all they have learned or heard
by hearing men talk about married life, (which is usually
of the most vulgar sort) they have come to the conclusion that
marriage confers upon the parties the right to engage
[pg
62]in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that the
husband has the right to the body of his wife whenever
he chooses. For, indeed, does not the law give him that
right! And so long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could
be asked! Yea, verily! What more could be asked?
So it is that most brides and bridegrooms go to their
marriage bed with the most widely diverse views as to what is
right and wrong in the premises—as to the life they
will lead in their new estate. The young wife is for "purity" and
"chastity." The young husband, driven by a passion which he has
long held in thrall, in the belief that he can now give the
fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief is
possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which
he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases!
What wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most
extensive observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "As
a matter of fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape
their brides at their first sexual meeting." Could anything be
more horrible, or criminally wicked? And it is all so
needless! It is all the result of ignorance, of "innocence," and
the worst of false teaching. The pity of it!
True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by
"mother nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in
a measure, controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with
passion, which, to a degree, will assert itself over and above
all false modesty, her religious scruples and her fear of
pregnancy; [pg 63]and so she may come through
the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly sane
condition of mind, even though she may have practically been
raped! But, too often, the result of such first contact is
a shock to the bride from which she may not recover during all
the subsequent years of married life! And "here is where the
trouble lies," for untold thousands of married men and women, all
over the civilized world, to-day. And it might all be so
different! It ought, in every case, to be all so
different! But if it ever does become different, knowledge
has got to take the place of "innocence" on the part of
the bride, and of ignorance on the part of the
bridegroom, both of whom must be taught to "Know
what they are about" before they engage in the sexual act,
and be able to meet each other sanely, righteously,
lovingly, because they both desire what each has to
give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any
rights, or makes any demands of the other—in
a word, in perfect concord of agreement and action, of
which mutual love is the inspirer, and definite knowledge
the directive agent.
Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping
affair. There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or
thought of shame; but as perfectly as two drops of water flow
together and become one, the bodies and souls of the parties to
the act will mingle in a unity the most perfect and blissful that
can ever be experienced by human beings in this world. This is no
dream! It is a most blessed reality, which all normally made
husbands and wives [pg 64]can attain to, if only they are
properly taught and educated, if only they will learn how
to reach such blissful condition.
However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the
asking merely. Instinct can never bring it about;
"innocence" will never yield such a result; and force,
or the declaration of a "right" in the premises will
forever banish it to the realm of the never-to-be-realized. It
can only come as a result of clear-headed thinking, scientific
investigation, honest study, wise and righteous action under the
given conditions; and, above all, a love, each for the other,
that knows no bounds. All these things must obtain,
on the part of both parties concerned, or the desired
results can never be attained.
Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to
how such estate may be reached by the readers of these pages.
But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his
tribe—banish them from all our reckoning in these matters,
forever.
As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on.
These writers treat the whole situation as though men and women
were mere animals! Men and women are far more than mere
animals, and God hath made them so! And for these reasons we
will have respect for men and women as God has made them,
rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity leagues" say God
should have made them!
As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the
human family is something far above mere [pg
65]animality; it is something that mere animals know
nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any way
attain to, and these fundamental differences in the
premises remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with
any forms or functions of mere animal life. As well reason that
animals never eat cooked food, and so men ought never to eat
cooked food (and there are some people who do so reason, strange
to say) or that animals do not wear clothes, and so men ought not
to wear clothes—as well make these, or a score more of
comparisons, between the human race and mere animals, as to try
to compare them in the item of their sex functions.
In only the single fact that, on the physical plane merely,
coitus for the purpose of procreation is common to all animal
life, mankind included, is there a point of comparison between
humanity and the brute creation. Beyond that point there is
nothing comparable between the two! As well say that because
beasts can hear, therefore they can comprehend and enjoy a
Beethoven Sonata, or because they have eyes they can delight in a
picture by Corot!
This is only another way of saying that sex has functions and
uses in the human family that are entirely apart from the
possibilities of all other animal life—functions as much
above mere animality as music is above mere physical hearing, as
painting above mere physical sight.
These facts forever upset and overthrow all the theories of
Dr. C. and Co., they entirely eliminate the whole bunch from any
part or lot in the issue on [pg 66]which they have
essayed to speak with such authority, but whose main point, whose
essential elements they have entirely misunderstood, and
hence have treated in a way that is wholly at variance with the
truth in the premises, and it is the truth that we are looking
for.
Once more (for it is well to go to the bottom of this matter
while we are about it) the honest truth is, that it is the
universal practice of the human race for men and women to cohabit
for other purposes than reproduction, and it has always been
so, since men and women were men and women! It is true among
the most savage and barbarous tribes of the earth, and it is more
emphatically true of the highly civilized people in all lands and
climes. And is it reasonable to suppose that such a universal
phenomenon should not have been intended to be as it is!
As well say that appetite for food is a mistake, one that ought
to be eliminated!
Again, the experiences of men and women, all over the world,
prove that, where this act is engaged in properly, according to
the laws that obtain in the premises, it conduces to the
highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of the parties
concerned. Indeed, it is beyond doubt true that the men and
women who have never known this most perfect of all human
experiences, have never reached the summit of human attainment,
have never arrived at the perfection of manhood and womanhood.
Length of life, health of the highest sort, and happiness, the
most delectable—all come, these and more, to men and [pg
67]women by this route, if it is rightly traveled.
Hell and damnation result if that road is wrongly trod!
And that's what makes the manner of traveling it so
important.
[pg
68]
VI
THE ACT OF COITUS
Strictly speaking, the act of coitus should be considered as
composed of four parts, or acts, of one common play, or drama.
Not that there is a sharp line of demarcation between each act or
part, for the four really blend into one composite
whole, when taken together, seriatim; but there are four
phases of the act which may well be studied separately, in
making a detailed review of a sexual meeting of a man and a
woman.
These four parts are: first, the preparation for the
act; second, the union of the organs; third,
the motion of the organs; fourth, the orgasm.
In what immediately follows, these four stages of the
act of coitus will be studied and traced in detail, with the
utmost care, in the hope that such pursuit may result in the best
possible good to the student.
Regarding the first part of the act, let it be said
that here, above all other situations in the world "haste
makes waste." Put that down as the most fundamental fact
in this whole affair! Right here is where ninety-nine
one-hundredths of all the troubles of married life begin! And the
fault, right here, is usually (though not always) with the
husband! But he doesn't mean to be bad. Not once in [pg 69]a
thousand times does he deliberately purpose to do wrong. He is
simply the victim of undirected and ungoverned passion, and of an
ignorance which results in stupid blundering, or
carelessness, or thoughtlessness. What such a husband practically
does is to rush blindly and furiously along a way he knows
nothing of, but which he has been led to think he has a
right to travel when and how he will! The ordinary
figure of a "bull in a china shop" can but faintly describe the
smashing and grinding to powder of the most delicate situation
that can occur in all human experiences, that result from such
action as this. Ideals that have touched heaven are tumbled from
their lofty places and ruthlessly crushed to atoms; hopes that
were beyond the power of words to express go out in despair;
dreams become a hideous nightmare; and love, which was as pure as
crystal waters, is muddied, befouled, and made into a cesspool!
And all this because of ignorance or careless hurrying, of
making haste where the utmost of time, caution and intelligent
care should have obtained!
As has already been explained, when the act of coitus is to be
engaged in, the sex organs of both the man and the woman undergo
great changes. Blood rushes to all these parts, in copious
quantities, till they become gorged. The result is that the penis
is enlarged to several times its dormant size, and the vulva and
vagina should, and will, under right conditions, undergo similar
changes and transformation.
But there is usually a great difference in [pg
70]the length of time it takes for these changes to take
place in men and women. On the part of the man, as soon as
his passion is aroused to any considerable extent, the penis at
once makes itself ready for action. It "tumesces," or swells
itself hard, almost instantly; and, so far as its mere physical
stoutness is concerned, is as ready to enter the vagina then as
ever, even if it has to force itself in.
On the other hand, the tumescence of the parts in women is
usually, (especially as girls are reared) not infrequently, a
matter of considerable time, not infrequently several minutes,
and now and then, of half-an-hour or more! This is not
always so, for in some very passionate women they are ready for
action almost instantly. Indeed, there are some women whose sex
organs tumesce if they (the women) even touch a man—any
man—and occasionally a case occurs where a woman will
experience an orgasm if her clothing brushes against a man! Such
cases are, of course, abnormal. But, for the most part, it
is true that women are much slower in making ready for the
sexual act than men are.
Again, as the organs become ready for the act, nature has
provided a most wonderful means for bringing about their easy and
happy union. Both the male and female organs secrete and emit, or
pour out, a sort of lubricating fluid which covers and sometimes
almost floods the parts. This is a clear and limpid substance,
that looks much like the white of an egg, and is much like the
saliva that is secreted in the mouth, only it is a thicker
substance. Chemically, [pg 71]it is almost identical with saliva.
That generated by the man is called "prostatic flow;" that
produced by the woman "pre-coital secretion."
Now, if time is given for this fluid to be secreted and
exuded, all the parts become covered or saturated with it, and
they are admirably equipped for easy union. The glans penis is
then covered with the slippery fluid, and the vulva and all the
walls of the vagina are laved with the substance. At the same
time, the vaginal walls have widened and grown soft, and all the
parts of the vulva (which are yet to be named and described in
detail) are in like condition. The result is that, though the
penis be what might at first seem of such size as to make its
entrance into the vagina impossible, as a matter of fact, such
entrance is perfectly easy, when the parts are fully ready to be
joined. But not before or otherwise!
So here is where the trouble comes. If the husband is in
haste, if he does not wait for the wife to become ready to meet
him; if he forces his large, hard penis into the vagina before
either is fully ready for such union—when there is no
prostatic fluid on its glans, and the vagina is shrunken and its
walls are dry—if coitus is engaged in in this way, it is
perfectly easy to see that only disaster can result! The
woman is hurt, sometimes most cruelly, and the man in reality
gets only a beastly gratification from the act. Of all bad
things in all the world, such manner of coition is the
worst!
And so, in this first part of the act, the one foremost
[pg
72]thought to remember and observe is, take plenty of
time!
There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time
should be extended, especially when she is a bride and
inexperienced in these matters, and that is, that her
"innocence," and all her education, make her feel that she is
doing wrong, or at least permitting a wrong thing to be
done, and this holds back the proper growth of her passion,
hinders the tumescence of her sex organs, delays the flow of the
precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly
prepared for her share of the mutual act.
Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further retard her
coming into a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost
common cause for her failing to be in readiness for meeting her
husband. All of which items must be taken into account by both
husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the
best results for both parties are attained.
As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will
be made of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance
for the time being, because its consideration can be better
provided for after some other points have been studied.
Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as
understood) direction as to what to do by way of preparation for
the act of coitus is: do as lovers do when they are
"courting." And everybody knows what that is! And note
this—that nobody ever hurries when they are
courting! They [pg 73]delay, they protract, they
dilly-dally, they "fool around," they pet each other in all sorts
of possible and impossible ways. They kiss each other—"long
and passionate kisses, they again and again give and
receive"—they hug each other, nestle into each other's
arms—in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one
ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the
cold-blooded call nonsense or foolishness, but which all
lovers know is an unspeakable delight
("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to talk when
these blissful experiences are going on!).
Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless
supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right
there that this part of the first act of this wonderful four-act
drama or play should be wrought out, and if they are omitted or
disregarded, the play will end in tragedy, with all the
leading actors left dead upon the stage!
Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the
supreme act of married life is not always preluded in this way is
found in the false view of what the marriage ceremony
means, and a wrong impression as to what it confers upon the
parties who say "yes" to its prescriptions. That is, the common
idea is, that the taking of "marriage vows" bestows certain
rights and imposes certain duties upon the new
husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes certain
acts right which would otherwise be wrong,
and that it establishes the right to engage in such acts,
with or without any further consultation [pg 74]or
consent in the premises. It makes love a matter of
contract, a something bound by promise and pledge
rather than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul.
The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage
ceremony both the man and woman take the utmost care to do
everything in their power to increase, magnify, and retain each
other's love, after they have been granted a "license," and the
minister has put their hands together and prayed over
them—after this, they both think they have a "cinch"
on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that cannot
be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking
after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which may
therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its
pronouncement! Nothing could be further from the truth than
this is. And yet it is a common feeling and belief among
young married people!
Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of
the marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact
that marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of
its original status yet remains—all these things tend to
establish these wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of
the parties to it.
Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage
all confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are
about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few
illustrations, as follows:
[pg
75]
A couple had been married about a year. They had no children,
nor were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to
spend his evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One
evening, as he was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What
makes you go out evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use
to do it!" And the husband replied:
"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now!
You used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you,
fixed up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't
come off, would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me
and kiss me, and now you never do anything of the kind." And
before he could say more, the wife responded: "Oh, but we are
married now, and it's your duty to stay with me!"
What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming
the door after him! The wonder is that he ever came back.
Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College
and who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the
"first families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the
highest culture and refinement, finally married a Western
business man. On their bridal night, as they were retiring, the
man laid his hand on the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it
off, and said: "Don't be disgusting! I married you because I was
tired of taking care of myself, or of having my relatives take
care of me. You are worth fifty thousand dollars, and [pg
76]one-third of all that was made mine just as soon as the
preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help it!
That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best
of it!"
These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of
the sort that could be told.
On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and
careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides
because they think the law and the contract give
them the right! There is no need to go into details. The whole
evil is revealed by the words of the woman just quoted: "Oh,
but we are married now."
These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that
marriage confers no rights, to either the bride or the
bridegroom, in the highest meaning of the word. So far as its
outward and formal observance is concerned, marriage is merely a
sort of protection for society which has grown up through the
years, and which is probably for the best, for the present,
things being as they are. But it should be well understood that
it can never lead to true happiness if it is viewed
and utilized merely on its legal and formal side. True
marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be
traded upon, or made an item of formal agreement and
contract. People may contract to live together and to
cohabit, and they may faithfully carry out their agreements;
but this is not marriage! It is simply legalized
prostitution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is
blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!
[pg
77]
Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed
it cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And
if the parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings,
pledges and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker
will it escape from all its holdings and fly away and stay
away!
And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there
should be no hurrying or haste here) let married people
understand that the key to married happiness is to keep on
"courting" each other. Indeed, to make courting continually
grow to more and more. During the whole extent of married life,
never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, and to show, by
all your acts, that you are lovers, and great shall be your
reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough. Do
it!
And be careful not to do anything that a careful lover
ought not to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband
and wife. Make yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and
keep yourself so. As between the public, or your friends, or
society, give them what of yourself you can spare, after you have
given to your lover all that you can bestow upon him, or he can
wish you to bestow. Don't give to everybody and everything else,
church, society, work, children, friends, or
what-so-ever—don't give all of yourself to these,
and let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as
you value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but
we are married now," and let [pg 78]it go at that!
The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be
watched and tended with the most skilful care,
continually, by both husband and wife. Treated in this
way, they will not only be fragrant and lovely through all the
years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the blossoms shed their
petals and change their forms so that luscious fruits may come in
turn—as these changes take place, new, more beautiful and
more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of the
longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you
hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said,
and act accordingly all the time—days, nights and
Sundays.
Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so
firmly and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away,
we will move on.
So, then, the first part of every act of coitus
should always be a courting act, in which there should be
no haste, but in which the parties should "make
delays," as John Burroughs says.
And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting
has a far wider range of possibilities than it has for the
unmarried. Previous to marriage, there are conventionalities and
clothes in the way! After that, neither of these need be in
evidence, and this makes a lot of difference, and all in favor of
the best results, if rightly used, and made the most of. One
hardly need to go into details here, (though this may be done
later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as free with
each other unclothed as clothed; [pg 79]if they will utterly
ignore all conventionalities, and do with and for each other
anything and everything that their impulses and
inclinations suggest, or their desires prompt; if they
will, with the utmost abandon give themselves up to
petting each other in every possible way that mother
nature has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss
and "spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to
do—if they will do this, and not hurry about
it—then, in due course, they will successfully execute the
first act of the great play they are performing; the sex
organs will become fully ready for the union they are both
longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect
condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area
of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and
slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion"
and everything will be in perfect readiness for the next
part of the performance, namely the union of the organs.
And here it becomes necessary to say something about the
position of the parties in making such union. There are a large
number of these possible, some of which may be noted later, but
here, only the most common one will be considered (it is said
there are more than forty different positions possible in this
act).
The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her
back, with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so
that the angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall
be less than [pg 80]a right angle. Her head should not
be too high, there should be no pillow under it.
Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus,
her lover should come. His body will thus be over and above her,
and he should sustain himself on his elbows and knees, so
that little or none of his weight may rest upon her. In
this position, face to face (and it should be noted that only in
the human family is this position of coitus possible! Among mere
animals, the male is always upon the back of the female.
They—mere animals—can never look each other in the
eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked
and very significant difference between human beings and all
other animals in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy
for the organs to go together, when properly made ready, as
here-before described. The woman should also place her heels in
the knee-hollows of her lover's legs, and clasp his body with her
arms.
The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too
abrupt, unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such
meeting and it is the wish of the wife that it be made in
this way. It is only fair to say, though, that such bold and
pronounced entrance is often greatly desired by the woman,
if her passion has been fully aroused at this stage of the act.
Such union is not infrequently of the greatest delight to her, if
everything is favorable for its being so made. But, if there is
any pain produced in her by the coming together, the meeting
should be gentle and slow, the penis working its way into the
[pg
81]vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely
encased therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and
uterine cavity will still further expand, till, in due order, the
two organs will be fitted together perfectly, a single unit,
one, in the highest sense of unity.
This is the second act in this wonderful play.
Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and
adapted to each other, the third act begins, namely,
the motion of the organs—the sliding of the penis
back and forth, partly in and out of the vagina, though this is
not really the best way of describing just what should take
place. What should actually be done is, that the
two organs should engage in this motion, which is
common to them both. They should mutually slip a
few inches, back and forth, each party to the motion doing a
fair half.
It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an
"innocent" wife, that all the motion should originate with the
husband—that he should slide his penis in and out of the
vagina, while the woman should lie still and "let him do it
all." This is, however, a great mistake, and one that
has caused an endless amount of ill to untold numbers of husbands
and wives. And for the following reasons:
In the position just described, if the wife has her arms
around her lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while
he supports himself by his elbows and knees over and above her,
resting none of his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy
for her to lift her hips up and down, or sway them from side to
side, or swing them in a circling "round-and-round" [pg
82]motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus
originate her half of the in-and-out motion—a
something she will delight to do, if given a fair chance.
If, however, the man lies heavily upon her, holding her down with
the weight of his body, the possibility of such action on her
part is prevented, and this results disastrously to both parties.
And so, in this part of the act, the husband should take the
utmost care to give his wife the full and complete
freedom to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful
climax demands that she should.
Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and
the in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately
follows will vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to
reach the climax, or last act of the performance, may be a few
seconds, or several minutes, may require a mere half dozen
motions, or several hundred! All depends on the intensity
of the passions of the husband and wife, especially the latter,
and their skill in manipulating this part of the act.
The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still
more distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows
faster and faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of
the organs will possibly permit without separating them. The flow
of the lubricating fluids, from both organs, becomes more and
more copious, till, all at once, the orgasm, or fourth
stage, is reached!
It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is
no bodily sensation that at all corresponds [pg 83]to
it, unless it be a sneeze, and this is only like it in that it is
spontaneous, and a sort of nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes
spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a
series of pulsating nervous explosions which defy description.
The action is entirely beyond the control of the will, when it
finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is delectable
beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human
experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at
exactly the same instant, is a consummation that can never be
excelled in human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all
husbands and wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual
possibilities.
On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and
all about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus
discharged at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to
entirely flush and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its
use and action there have already been described, and so need not
be repeated here.
On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding
emission of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the
semen. Yet the spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as
nervous explosions are concerned, is exactly like that of her
partner. Palpitation follows palpitation, through all the sexual
area; the mouth of the womb opens and closes convulsively, the
vagina dilates and contracts again and again, and the vulva
undergoes similar actions. The sensations are all of the most
delectable nature, [pg 84]the whole of the woman's body being
thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights
inexpressible. This, however, seems to be the entire mission of
the orgasm in woman. It has nothing whatever to do with
conception; though many people, especially young husbands who
know just a little about the phenomenon, believe that it is an
essential to pregnancy. But such is by no means the
case. All that is needed to bring about conception in a woman
is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen
there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is
concerned, the woman need have no pleasure at all
in the act of coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by
securing fresh semen from some man and injecting it into the
vagina with an ordinary female syringe!
The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually
takes the form that there is no danger or possibility of
conception unless the orgasm is simultaneous on the part of
the man and woman, has caused many a woman to become pregnant
when she thought such a result to be impossible, because she and
her lover did not "spend" at the same instant. For the same
reason, many a young husband has impregnated his wife when he
least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone
experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was
impossible.
Again, there are many married men and women who do not know
that it is possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all!
The writer once knew [pg 85]a case of this kind, where a
husband and wife, most intelligent and well cultivated people,
lived together for twenty years, and to whom were born six
children, who, at the end of that time were wholly unaware of
such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by accident, as
it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many years.
There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this
sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.
All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as
women are concerned, the orgasm is entirely for her
delectation and delight. It forms no part of the act of
conception, and its only possible function, beyond that of
pleasure, is that, because of the exceedingly delightful
sensations it produces, it may lure women to engage in coitus
when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and that it thus
increases the possibility of women becoming mothers. Indeed,
there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of
becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But
more of this later.
As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband
and wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive
word, which alone can describe their condition. On the part of
the man the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost
instantly limp and shrunken, while all the female organs become
quiescent. A most delightful languor steals over them; every
nerve and fibre of the whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall
asleep at [pg 86]once, comes upon them irresistibly.
And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves of such
natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always
have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with
which to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as
soon as the organs are separated, will, in greater or less
quantity, flow from the vagina. Some of the same fluid will also
remain upon the penis when it is withdrawn. The husband should
absorb this surplus which remains with him with the towel, as
soon as the organs are parted, and immediately leave his
super-imposed position, leaving his wife perfectly free,
to do as she will. She should arrange the towel between her
thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no attempt
to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go to
sleep immediately. (It is said that if the woman goes to
sleep on her back, after coition, she thereby increases
the probability, of becoming pregnant. This is a point
that women who greatly desire motherhood should note. The writer
knew one case where a wife lay on her back for twenty-four hours
after coition and so became pregnant after all other means had
failed.)
Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman,
to immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and
unsanitary. But this is not at all true, and for this reason:
The semen is a most powerful stimulant to all the female
sex-organs, and to the whole body of the woman. The organs
themselves will absorb quantities of semen, [pg 87]if
left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial
to them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this
cause that many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after
they are married and so can avail themselves of this healthful
food. As a matter of fact, there is no nerve-stimulant, or
nerve-quieter, that is as potent to woman-kind as semen.
There are multitudes of "nervous" women, hysterical even, who are
restored to health, and kept in good health, through the
stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the absorption of
semen, when both these items are present in perfection. On the
other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills,
when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly
applied. The results that follow all depend upon the way the act
is done, and its products utilized.
So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a
"bandage" into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she
sleeps long, so much the better, so much more will she be
benefited by the presence of the semen and its absorption. When
she naturally wakens, she may bathe the vulva region with warm
water; but there is no need of, nor is it wise to try to cleanse
the vagina and the uterine tract by the use of a vaginal syringe.
Above all, never inject cold water into the vagina, especially do
not do this immediately after coitus. Some women use a cold water
injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer way to ill
health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with blood
at such times, [pg 88]and to pour cold water upon
them is as though, when one is dripping with perspiration, he
should plunge into a cold bath. Nature has made wise provision
for taking care of all the semen that remains in the vagina. Let
the parts alone, and they will cleanse and care for
themselves.
Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus
at its best estate, and in a general way. Its perfect
accomplishment is an art to be cultivated, and one in which
expertness can only be attained by wise observation, careful
study of all the factors involved, and a loving adaptation of the
bodies, minds and souls of both the parties to the act. It is no
mere animal function. It is a union, a unity of
"two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat
as one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is
what it ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at,
its highest and best estate. It is God-designed, God-born,
God-bestowed! As such it should be thankfully received and
divinely used by all the sons and daughters of men.
[pg
89]
VII
THE FIRST UNION
And now, although so much has been said, there is much that
remains to be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject
justice. Some of these things are as follows:
Something more ought to be told about the second part of the
act of coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the
first time on the part of the woman.
At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be
a virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part,
that are not present in after-meetings, and these must be
understood and rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results
may ensue.
Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries
prescribed as forming the first movement of the act should
be carried out to the limit. It is not too much to say
that these should be prolonged for some days! Do not
start, young husband, at this statement! Well did Alexander
Dumas, père, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the
first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from
what she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to
shut out the sight; but do [pg 90]not forget that she is a woman, and
so is filled with curiosity, under any and all
circumstances! And you may set it down as sure, that, though she
blinds herself with her hands as she scales the dizzy heights you
are leading her over, nevertheless, she will peek through her
fingers! So she will watch you with most critical eyes, and
note every show of selfishness or blundering on your part! So
have a care! You may think you are aiming your arrow at the
sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words
these, and to be heeded, come what may!
As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to let
plenty of time elapse before engaging in the full act of
coitus! Delay here will lead to a possible loving speed,
later on. The young people should take time enough to get better
acquainted with each other than ever before; to become, in a
measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence of each other, and
to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing together"
that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus should
not be attempted till the bride is at least willing. If
she can be brought to become anxious for the meeting, so
much the better.
And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the
act, we come to the first union of the organs for a newly married
couple, the bride being a virgin. And here is where an
explanation is called for.
The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a
mouth shaped aperture, located laterally [pg 91]between the forward
part of the thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much
resembles the external parts of the mouth proper. It begins just
in front of the anus, and extends forward above the pubic bone
and a little ways up the belly. Its entire lateral length is
about four or more inches.
This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips,
or labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the
vaginal opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side,
and are known as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the
thicker and thinner, or larger and smaller lips. They extend
almost the entire length of the vulva, the outer lips folding
over the inner ones when the thighs are together. The outer parts
of the larger lips are covered with hair. In thickness and
quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face of each
individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large vulva
and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that is
located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds,
almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of
the male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part
of the vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper.
All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves,
and they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly
sensitive skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the
mouth. Both the clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable
blood vessels, and in a state of tumescence they are greatly
[pg
92]enlarged by a flow of blood into the parts. The
clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an enlargement, or
"erection," which is exactly like that of the glans penis. So
much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex organs,
all of which should be well understood by every bride and
bridegroom, though often it is not.
Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet
named, and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly
known. This is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper
part of the vaginal opening, and so closes up nearly all
that part of the vulva. This hymen is not always present,
however, even in a state of undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is
torn away in childhood by the little girl's fingers, as she
"plays with herself." Sometimes it is ruptured by lifting, again
it is broken away by the use of a large-sized female syringe.
For all these reasons, it is not right to conclude that a
bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present and in
evidence at the first coition.
Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly
ignorant of the existence of the hymen, and of the
troubles it may cause at the second part of the sexual act, in a
first meeting. This membrane is often quite tough and strong. It
is grown fast to the lower part of the clitoris and to the inside
surfaces of the smaller lips, and it covers so much of the
vaginal opening that it is practically impossible for the erect
penis to enter the vagina so long [pg 93]as it is present. Now
if, under these conditions, the bride and groom (especially the
latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the parts, and
so should try to make a union of the organs, they would find such
union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man, puzzled, and
impatient, and passion-driven, should force a hasty
entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he
would hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to bleed
freely from the wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of
which would be a score against the husband, would brand him as a
brute, or a bungler, and so tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow
alight in the mud."
The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation
and to talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that
can be done about it. If the conditions are fully understood by
the bride and groom, they can, in almost every case, by working
and moving together carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the
hymen with little or no pain or loss of blood.
As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all
the facts are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis
still and steady against the hymen, the bride will so press
against it, and "wiggle around" it, that by her own
motions, she will break the membrane and so be rid of it. She
knows how much pain she can endure, and when the pressure is too
hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow, what is done
she does herself, and so can [pg 94]never charge up
against her husband!
It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire
and mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be
eliminated with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If,
however, careful and well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the
services of a surgeon should be procured, and he, by a very
simple and almost painless operation, can remove the difficulty.
But never, no never, should it be brutally torn away by
the force of the husband, and without the full willingness of the
wife. Mark this well. As a matter of fact, the wise and
practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to a
surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the
hymen for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very
easily done. Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity
on the part of the husband and so this is a point to be careful
about!
The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as
"defloration"—the tearing to pieces of a flower. The term
is not fortunate. Nothing worth while has been taken away by
removing the hymen, but much that is useful has been acquired. An
organ that has outlived whatever usefulness it might once have
had has been removed, and its going has made possible new and
beautiful uses in life. If this has been accomplished by the
mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom, it is a cause
for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of mourning. As
well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as for the
destruction of the hymen.
[pg
95]
With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus
offers no situation that calls for further remark or
explanation.
And now a few words about the probabilities of conception
resulting from coitus, and some matters which are very closely
related thereto.
In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for
husband and wife should desire to have children, and should act
in accordance with such wish. This is not only in harmony with
the primary purpose of sex in the human family, but it is a
response to a natural demand of the human soul, in both man and
woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack Tanner say: "There is a
father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and parenthood is the
supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded men and
women. It is not an "instinct," but something far above that
quality.
Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and
of that alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings
naturally desire to make a home for themselves, and a home, in
the fullest meaning of that word, means children and a
"family circle." This is something that animals know nothing
about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their progeny as soon as
they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many cases, kill
them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to do so.
These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is
something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom.
Indeed, the whole matter of comparing this quality, as [pg 96]it
exists in humanity, with that of animals merely, is only a
continuance of the similar abomination of comparing the sex
functions of these two forms of life. In the real essentials of
existence, they are in no way comparable; and to make such is not
only folly, but approaches the positively criminal. The results
of doing so certainly lead to crime.
Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the
purpose and hope of having a family of children. They may not put
it that way, may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or
to themselves; but if married people find that they cannot
produce, it is a source of unspeakable regret to them both. In
such cases, the inherent desire for parenthood will "cry aloud
and spare not." A "barren" woman greatly mourns her inability,
and will shed bitter tears over the fact, if she be truly human;
and an "impotent" man will be practically despised by all who are
aware of his incompetence.
And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have
children, it is only right that they should desire to have them
as they want them, and when they want them, and not
whenever they may happen to come! That is, sensible and
thoughtful people, who plan definitely for the future, want to
make the coming of children to them an affair of
deliberate arrangement, and not of chance.
This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right
way that children should be begotten and born. Which statement
calls for a few special words on the right of parents to regulate
the production [pg 97]of progeny.
There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide,"
and the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of
children in a family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious
questionings in the minds of conscientious young married men and
women who are desiring to do the right thing in the premises, but
are uncertain as to what the right thing is, and for such are the
following words:
Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus
by name, discovered and announced the fact that the rate of
natural increase in the human race was several times greater than
that of the possible rate of production of food supply for their
support. Scientifically phrased, his statement was that "the rate
of increase in humanity is in geometrical ratio, while the rate
of increase of possible food supply is in arithmetical ratio."
And from this basis, he reasoned that, unless the surplus of
human production was in some way cut off and destroyed, the whole
human race would ultimately demand more food supply than could
possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time, the whole
race would perish from starvation!
Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease,
plague, pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off
and destroy the surplus of humanity, and hence all these
alleged evils were in reality blessings in disguise, and that
it would be wrong to interfere with their really
beneficent workings! Volumes could be written, and they could not
[pg
98]tell the half of the misery and evil that the
promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world,
but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need
this be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made
to make ready for what is to follow.
Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, since
the possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband
and wife may produce has been given them; that since such
result can be, for them, made a matter of choice, of an
exercise of the will, and not of blind
instinct—under these circumstances, all of which
undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that
it is the purpose of the Creator that the limiting of the
number of human beings in the world should be brought about by
curbing the birth rate, rather than by killing the
surplus after they are born!
There can be but one answer made to this question, by any
intelligent man or woman.
These facts, then, establish the rightfulness of
determining the number and size of a family by every husband and
wife. But this does not mean that they are to entirely
refrain from cohabiting, in order to keep from having children!
This phase of the argument has already been gone over and
disposed of. But it does mean that husbands and wives have
a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the number
of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties
concerned—themselves, their circumstances, the born or
unborn children, the [pg 99]state, the nation. Let the bride
and groom be well convinced and established in their own minds on
these points, as early in their relation as possible. They should
be so from the very outset—must be so, to reach the
best results.
The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and
wilful determination of the number of children a husband and wife
may have, be brought about?
And the answer is, that it can never be accomplished by
careless and hap-hazard cohabiting! On the contrary, it can
only be compassed by the most careful and watchful
processes of engaging in coitus, and by a full knowledge
of physiological facts, and by acting, always, in
accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but
it is a way worth going in, for all that.
On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent
men and women agree that anything even approaching
infanticide is nothing short of a crime, and that
abortion, except for the purpose of saving the life of the
mother, is practically murder.
But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two
germs which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in
a living human form, is quite another affair.
It is only this aspect of the situation which will be
considered in what follows.
Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception
consist of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting
the semen there. The corollary [pg 100]of this is, that
whenever these coincidences take place, there is a
possibility for conception.
But in all normal cases, the ovum only passes into the
womb once in every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only
remains in the womb for about half that period of time, that is,
for about 14 or 15 days in each month. And so, since the
menstrual flow ceases after about five days from its beginning,
in about ten days after its stopping, the ovum will have
passed out of the womb, and hence that organ contains nothing
that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen may be
deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is a
simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known.
However, it must be said that these generally common
conditions do not always obtain—that is, they are
not true in the case of all women. There are women
who will conceive at any time in the month, if they are
given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such
possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the
ovaries, in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once
a month do any of these pass down into the womb; but, in
exceptional cases, sometimes these ova are so partially held in
the ovaries that, under the excitement of coitus, and because all
these parts dilate so much during the act, an ovum may slip its
moorings, under such conditions, pass down into the uterus at an
untimely season, meet the semen there, and pregnancy result. Such
are the facts in some cases.
[pg
101]
How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be,
in their particular case?
The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that
should be done as follows:
The first sexual meeting of the bride and groom should
never take place until at least ten days after the
ceasing of the menstrual flow in the bride! This is a rule that
should never be violated if the parties wish to "test
out" the real condition as to whether or not the bride has
any "free time." The chances are several to one that she
has such leeway; but the fact can only be established by
"proving up" and this can never be done if any
chances are taken. Put this down as rule number one.
For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding
day; and, if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the
probably immune period. And the nearer she can bring this day to
the beginning of such period of freedom from danger of
pregnancy, the better. For, if it should happen that the first
coitus should take place only a day or two before the time
when another "monthly" was due, such excitement might hasten the
passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the uterus, and conception
might occur. In which case, "all the fat would be in the fire,"
nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as ignorant as
ever regarding the facts in their case.
And so, the first sexual meeting of a bride and
bridegroom should be not earlier than ten days after
the ceasing of the menstrual flow and not later than three days
before the next monthly is due. Put that [pg 102]down as rule
number two, never to be violated.
And if marriage takes place before this period of probable
immunity on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to
do is to "patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may
"require fortitude" on the part of both parties, but it is the
only safe thing to do. And to do just that, will amply repay such
waiting. The writer knows of a case where the wedding took place
just three days before the bride's next monthly was due, and she
and her husband waited for more than two weeks before they
met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their doing so proved that
the bride had two weeks of "free time" in each
month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take
time!
And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for
a husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a
result of coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman
than for the man, for it is she who has to bear the burden of
what follows, if following there be. The husband can "do the
deed" and go about his business. The wife, if "the fertile seed"
takes root, has before her months of care and anxiety, and she
risks her very life in what may come of it all. For these
reasons, she has a right to dictate all the terms which
are liable to cause her to become a mother. And yet she should
do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true
wifely-womanhood. On this point, do not fail to read "The
Helpmate," by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and
bridegroom should fail to read and [pg 103]study,
carefully.
The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and
avoid pregnancy may be summed up as follows:—The attainment
of such a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and
honestly pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not
reached, its lack will be a source of endless contentions and
differences between the husband and wife. It will lead to
jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts of marital woes. But, the
situation once mastered, by the most loving and accurate of
scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life is certain
to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be in a
condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and
bridegroom begin, from the first, to try to establish the
greatly to be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this
point should be desired, consult a reliable physician.
[pg
104]
VIII
THE ART OF LOVE
And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that
"Art is long!" And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts,
and the most difficult of all for its complete mastery and
attainment!
It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent
occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are not
well matched; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious
nature, results. When this condition is found to exist, it should
be treated sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one
that the difficulty can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of
both parties concerned.
In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact
that the penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the
wife. This is very apt to be the case where the wife is of the
"dumpy" sort, with a small mouth and short fingers, while the
husband is "gangling," large mouthed and long fingered. These are
facts that ought to be taken into account before marriage, and
which should figure in determining whether the parties are
"suited" to each other. They would be regarded in this
way, too, if they were generally known, as they most surely are
not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence" [pg
105]get in their work, and make trouble in married
life!
In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully
inserted in the too-short vagina, and especially when, at the
orgasm, the two organs are crowded together vigorously, as the
impulse of both parties demands they should be at this part of
the act, the end of the penis is driven against the rear walls of
the vagina, often furiously, thus stretching and straining the
vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing against the womb
unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out of place and
sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence causing
all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.
Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and
wife should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in
the second part of the act, the first putting together of
the organs. This is the only way of determining, in each case,
how the organs will "fit," and happy are the parties thereto if
such fit is found to be perfect!
But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the
nature just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the
right means are used.
(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the
relative size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by
the size of the body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an
abnormally large and long penis, and many a little woman has a
large vulva and a long vagina; and the reverse of [pg
106]all this is true, in the case of many men and women.
These items in the count are among the things that can never be
known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not
possible, as things are now.)
And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given
case, it can be provided for, in most cases as follows:
Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already
been described—the woman on her back and the man over and
above her—let this be done: Let the man lie on his
left side, or partly on his left side and partly on his back,
facing the woman, his left leg drawn up so that the thigh makes
an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and the knee bent at about
the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right side, mount into
his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in the angle
made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that his
left leg supports her hips, by being under them; put
her right leg between his legs, throw her left leg over his right
leg, put her right arm around his neck, and her left arm should
be placed across his body under his right arm. His left arm
should be placed around her waist from below, and his right arm
left free to move over her body, as he may choose. Now in
this position, the man's hips make a sort of saddle into
which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the greatest
of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by the
bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain
the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he
[pg
107]over and above the woman, supporting himself by his
elbows and knees, and with the woman's arms around his waist,
lifting her body thereby, and thus adding her weight to his, all
to be sustained by him. A moment's consideration will disclose
the fact that this position has many points in its favor, beyond
that of the man-superior form. The woman, in this position, is
not wholly superior, but she is partly on her right side and
partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her husband's
body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him
easily supports them both.
Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely
together and their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is
now the woman, and not the man who has
full control of such meeting, and so can regulate it to
her liking, or needs. Her hips are perfectly free
to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so she can
determine just how much or how little of his penis shall enter
her vagina! And if his penis is too long for her, she can
accommodate her action to such fact!
As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if
not greater than it would be were he in the other position. The
ease afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear
of hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that
is of real value, and which will make for his delectation as much
as for that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as
easily performed in this position as in the other; and at the
climax, the [pg 108]organs can be crowded together
passionately, and still without hurting the woman. For she, being
free to move, can so curve her hips that the pelvic bone, the
mons veneris, as it is technically called, will receive
the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which is
thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis
will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so
will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm.
The orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other.
It is just as natural as the other position, and has only
to be tried to be proved worthy.
And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract
themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now
that we have begun.)
A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of
the difference of time that it takes for the husband and
wife to come to the climax, the orgasm. As has already been
noted, the highest delight in the act comes when this climax is
simultaneous, comes at exactly the same instant to both parties.
But to bring this about is not easy in all cases, and hence what
follows:
As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are
men. This is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some
wives are so passionate that they will "spend" several times to
their husbands' once! The author knows of a case where the wife
will regularly experience the orgasm four or five times to her
husband's once. She is a lovely wife [pg 109]and a highly
accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or "worldly minded." The
situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly sensitive while
those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed"
differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women
are "timed" slower than men.
Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases,
impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and
bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from
the fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually
detumescence of the penis at once takes place, and the organ is
incapable of exciting the woman when in this condition. And so,
if the husband "goes off" first, there is no possibility
of the wife's reaching the climax at that embrace. This leaves
her unsatisfied, all her sex organs congested, and the whole
situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme. On the other hand,
if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva and vagina
detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is
perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and
come to the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."
Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife
is "keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite
often the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided
affair, one in which the husband gets all the satisfaction,
and the wife little or NONE—a most unfortunate
status for both parties, but especially for the wife. The
writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived together
[pg
110]to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never
once experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her
several times a month, during the most of their married life.
There was no good reason why this should have been so, only that
the husband was "quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and
they had never synchronated their time differences. The dear old
lady died at ninety, never having known a joy that, since her
bridal night, she had wished for. Both the husband and wife were
most excellent people. They simply didn't know! One was
ignorant and the other innocent, and there you are again!
Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the
parties to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to
prolong the FIRST part of the act, till the wife has not
only caught up with, but is even ahead of her husband in
the state of her passion. To bring about this condition, the
husband should use every means to stimulate his wife's sex-nature
and increase her desire for coition. Here are some things he
can do, which will tend to produce such results:
A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her
reproductive nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To
touch them is to directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips
and tongue are also thus nervously connected with these vital
parts, and, so, if the husband will "play" with his wife's
breasts, especially with her nipples, manipulating them with his
fingers, or, better still, with his lips and tongue [pg
111]—at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva
with his fingers, especially the clitoris, and if she will
encourage him to do this, by holding her breast with one
hand, shaking it about as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if,
lying flat on her back, her husband at her right side, and with
his left arm around her waist, she will spread her legs wide
apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost, and sway her hips,
raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she has a free
hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with it
and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva—if
they will do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not
grow in the wife to almost any desirable extent. Under such
"courting," the parts will all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion
will flow in abundance; and, in due course, all will be ready for
the second part of the act. This part of coitus is, really, one
of the most enjoyable of the entire performance.
If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in
appearing on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as
the husband strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from
his mouth. To do this, let him moisten his fingers from
his mouth, and transfer this to the vulva, and then proceed with
his stroking. This moistening the vulva with saliva may be
repeated several times, if necessary, always until
the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves renders
any further moistening needless. The stroking of the dry vulva
will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the
pre-coital [pg 112]flow. But if the parts be
moistened, as above directed, both these desired results will
follow, except in very rare cases.
And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus
moistening the vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It
is neither. On the contrary, it is nature's way of helping to
perfection an act which, but for such timely assistance, might
never be brought to a successful issue. As has already been
noted, chemically, saliva and the pre-coital fluid are almost
identical. They are both a natural secretion of a mucous
membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native purpose is
lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is as natural
an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the interior
of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of applying
saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, so much so
that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is mentioned
here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the
sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more
to be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways,
such as moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's
fingers after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth
might be condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite
universally practiced, and it is neither unwholesome nor
unsanitary.
It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet
oil or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts
before engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be
recommended. Oil is not a [pg 113]natural product of the parts to
which it is applied, it is chemically unlike their secretions,
and to smear the delicate organs with a fluid that is foreign to
their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, not to say filthy. It is
like greasing the mouth to make food slip down easily. And it is
easy to understand how such application of an unguent to the
mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of sensation, and
greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of the oral
cavity.
So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the
vulva and the vagina for the reception of their natural mate.
And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower
timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by
the manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily
carried to such length—the lips and tongue playing with the
nipple, and the finger-stroking of the vulva—that the woman
could be brought to an orgasm without the union of the organs at
all! This is a form of masturbation (this word has a bad meaning
attached to it, but it is a good word, as will shortly be shown,
and it has its legitimate uses; but, as a preparation for
coition, it should not be carried any further than is essential
for bringing the laggard passion of the woman up to an equal
tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or months', practice
will enable a wife to determine just how much of this form of
"courting" will bring her to the desired point of excitement;
and, when this point is reached, she should [pg
114]invite her husband to "come up over," if the first
position is to be adopted for the rest of the act; or, she should
throw herself into her lover's arms, if the second position is
used.
Just a little more—If, after getting into one position
or the other, it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly
abreast of her husband in the intensity of her passion, let her
still further seek to advance it, as follows:
If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him,
after he has gotten into place and before the organs are united,
have his wife take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his
hips up and down, stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with
the glans penis—not entering the vagina at once, but
continuing this form of exterior contact of the organs,
for a longer or shorter time—slipping past the wide open
vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, as it
were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of
distraction—-till, finally, she will "take no for an
answer" no longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into
the vagina, and thus consummate their union.
If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance
may be made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But
if the vulva and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance
should be carefully made, gently made, as she can bear it, as
she wishes it to be.
Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the
external stroking of the organs may be continued [pg
115]to the very verge of the orgasm, so that, especially
if the entrance can be made, as it were, in a frenzy of
passionate delight, the organs coming into full length union at a
single impulse, or rushing together—then the simultaneous
climax may be reached with one or two in-and-out
motions—or, perhaps the single master-plunge may win the
goal instanter! If so, a consummation devoutly to be wished has
been successfully reached!
Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play
for "getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend
and protract what might be called the time of his possible
retention, if he can keep the foreskin over the glans
penis. Some men cannot do this. If they have been circumcised, of
course they cannot! But if the glans penis can be covered with
the foreskin during all this playing together, it will enable the
husband to prolong his "retentional time" far beyond what he
otherwise could. Some men have the power of "retaining" to almost
any length of time by the exercise of their will power, and so
they can wait for their wives. If the wife is slower timed
than the husband, he should carefully cultivate the "art of
retaining" and so wait for her. To do this successfully
will greatly increase married happiness.
This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with
equal force to the possibilities of the man's retention after the
organs are united, and all through the third part of the act. If
the penis can enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," the
[pg
116]husband can give his wife the pleasure of many times
the amount of in-and-out motion than he could otherwise bestow
upon her. And if the wife is the slower of the two (as is
generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a favor, and
will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal
motions which she will LAVISH upon her considerate
lover.
This is an item of almost supreme importance—this
"keeping the cap on" the penis, during the act, if the wife is
slower than the husband—if they need to have a care, to
insure their "getting off together."
And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that
Mother Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both
the husband and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if
the husband will be careful to have the glans penis covered with
the foreskin (and, of course, this can never be, if the
organs are united when the vulva and vagina are dry) when it
enters the vagina, and will so engage in the in-and-out motion
that it will stay covered as the third act
progresses—if this is done, when the climax comes, if the
two "spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were,
clasp the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the
supreme instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct
and blissful contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus!
This is a most wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it,
and enjoy it to its utmost, is the maximum of human delight!
Again, if after the organs are well together, in the
man-superior position, and the in-and-out motion [pg
117]has begun, it should be found that the wife is still
behind in the game, she can gain greatly in "catching up" if she
is permitted to originate the larger part of the motion.
To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body quite
well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move
her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband
will, in large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such
position that it presses against the upper part of the
vulva, that is against the clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he
will "ride high") and then permit his wife to make "long
strokes," sliding the organs together for their full possible
length, with the clitoris in constant contact with the penis,
during the whole of each stroke—all of this will greatly
and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the
climax.
Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to
their fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis
presses firmly against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and
labiae almost clasp their mate; and then, in this position, if
the husband will maintain the status quo, while she lifts
her hips hard against his, and swings them about, in a
sort of circular motion "round and round," as it were—this
will also greatly increase her passion, and soon bring her to the
climax.
In both these last described ways of courting, the husband
should be extra careful not to permit the weight of his
body to press down heavily upon his wife. He should wholly
sustain himself on his elbows [pg 118]and knees, and
permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, by the help of her
arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the husband, if he
be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his strength
for but to delight his sweetheart? A true, devoted, virile and
manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To
delight her, is to doubly delight himself. This is another
point of which mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all
their nature which responds to the like of this, in any way. The
whole experience is human; it is productive of a joy, of a
spiritual elevation, which mere animality knows nothing
of—can know nothing of.
Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through
all these actions, a line of complete mutualness must run!
The husband may seem to be specially accommodating
himself, and all he does, to his wife's whims or necessities;
but, even so, this will be more of a delight to him than
it is to her, viewed from the spiritual plane, on
the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to
receive"—and no truer words than these were ever
spoken—while, at the same time, the wife, though
seeming only to be gratifying herself, to be reaching
after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter of fact, by her
very so doing—and the more perfectly, completely, she does
this, the better—she is gratifying and delighting her
husband to the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus,
the lovers will learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly,
each knowing just when the other is fully ready, by a sort of
spiritual consciousness, [pg 119]as it were, and so
a perfect climax can be reached.
Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS;
Let the husband keep his head, and THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE
HERS, throwing it to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the
whirlwind of her passion; feeling free, delighting, to let it go,
go, go, no one cares where! Do these things, and married life
will be glorious! Of such is the kingdom of heaven, for the truly
wedded lovers!
This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and
materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be life
immeasurable. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to
tell the greatest truths!
So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position,
when the wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt
this method, and the accompanying means for "getting together."
Now, if the other position is taken, that of the wife
semi-superior, in the husband's arms, as he lies partly on his
back and partly on his left side, etc., here are a few points to
be noted to advantage.
Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two,
it is entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has
gotten into position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the
union of the organs. The very time that it takes for her to get
into position, the changing of the position of her body, from her
back to her right side; the temporary cessation of the stroking
of the vulva by her husbands's [sic] fingers; all these things
will have a tendency [pg 120]to retard her passion, for the
time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, if not added
to, before the second part of the act is entered upon.
And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought
about, as follows:—
Lying in each other's arms, in this second described
position, the organs naturally come into contact in such a
way as to make the further excitation of the vulva and clitoris
most natural and easy. The spreading of the wife's hips, caused
by her throwing her left leg over her husband's right and drawing
up of her left knee, opens the vulva wide; and, at the same time,
the penis, from the very nature of its position, will lie at full
length in the opening, thus exposed—not entering the
vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as yet.
By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and
elongated, the lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state
of tumescence, and all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the
lips so distended that, when thus parted, they form the sides of
a labial canal, as it were (a delectable, and most delicately
smooth-walled channel). Now, in this extended condition, which is
fully as long as the penis, from end to end of its pathway of
dalliance, every part covered with the most delicately sensitive
nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy of keenness to
the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's strolling
way,"—if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong,
in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both
inner and outer labiae, the clitoris and [pg 121]all, for a space
of five or six inches in length; while the protruded and
well-moistened lips of the vulva as it were reach out, and clasp
themselves at least half way around their suitor, laving him with
their luscious kisses—in this position, the wife being
partly above, and so, perfectly free to move her "love way" as
she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full six or more
inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the penis as
she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held firmly
in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis
throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the
extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just
then, to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping
past the now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every
down stroke to engulf it—dallying, delaying, coquetting,
tantalizing, both man and woman; playing the game in almost a
swoon of ecstatic delight—under such conditions the wife's
passion will rush to its fullest development, till, when she
will, she can drop her vagina upon the penis in such a way that
the two will be made one, in absolute perfection, on a
single move, and from this to the finish it is but a few motions
distant.
In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of
"going off together" is unsurpassed.
Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the
best for the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all
positions, the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not
quite "up to grade," [pg 122]she can enjoy an embrace of this
sort without fatigue, even to the full. For the organs can be
united in this position quite perfectly, though the penis will
not penetrate the vagina to as great a length as in the other
position. Still, the climax can be perfectly reached in this way,
and it is one of the best ways to make sure of perfect "timing,"
of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in its
favor.
If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the
wife being too short for her husband's penis, this is a most
excellent way for meeting and overcoming that difficulty.
This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:—It
might seem to the reader that the different "strokings" of the
vulva, with the fingers, or the penis, all the contact being
outside the vagina, that all of these methods of excitation smack
of masturbation, and so are of doubtful rightness. In reply to
which, note the following:
The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been
shown to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It
is the exercise of functions that belong only to mankind,
and hence is not amenable to any merely animal laws
or restrictions! It is the source of numberless human joys, and
any method of engaging in the act of mutual delight, that
is, of mutually happifying, is legitimate and
altogether right. And so, if the parties choose to
increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse
and intensify his wife's passion by [pg 123]stroking her vulva
with his saliva-moistened fingers, and she wishes him to do
so, such act is as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the
by-some-supposed-to-be only way of its exercise. Let this
never be doubted.
The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means
of the hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has
received a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it
in no way deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has
been fastened to such acts, and then, any and every form of it
has been condemned far beyond what the facts warrant, till the
minds of the rank and file are wholly misled in the premises!
When one looks at the situation from the point of view which
insists that all the sex functions should be under the
control of the will, then light is thrown upon the entire
subject. Seen in this way, any form of sex stimulation, or
auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means self sex-excitation)
which is NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is right and
wholesome! But we have been taught the contrary of this
for so long that it is difficult for us to realize that it is
true. But it is!
Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should
arrive at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring
her to an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be
perfectly right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy
her in that way. Of course, this would not be as satisfying
to her as it would have been could she have met him
simultaneously, but it is far better than for her [pg
124]not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman SUFFERS
ALL NIGHT LONG with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested
and tumescent, because she has been left UNSATISFIED by a
husband who has spent before she was ready, AND THEN LEFT
HER! Such cases might be entirely relieved, if the parties
knew the truth, and were not too ignorant, or
prejudiced, or ashamed to do what should be done to
make the best of a situation.
Of course, no husband should make a practice of
gratifying himself fully, and then bringing his wife to the
climax with his fingers. Such a practice would be selfish
and wrong. But as an emergency way of escape, the
method is to be commended.
Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always
has the advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the
insertion of the penis into the vagina, after his wife has
spent, if she arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly,
and their distended condition permits such action on his part,
for some time after she has passed the climax. But not so with
the husband. Once spent, his penis shrinks to limpness, almost
immediately, and in this condition it cannot satisfy the wife in
the least, much less bring her to an orgasm.
Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet
her husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight
illness, or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it
would help the situation wonderfully if she would take
his penis in her hand and "play with it" till he
spent. He would love her [pg 125]for it, kiss her
for it, give her his soul for it!
If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each
other to the delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by
external excitation of the organs with their hands a few times
before they united the organs at all, it would be to their
lasting well being. This is especially true for the bride. If
her lover would take her in his arms, even with all her clothes
on, as she sat on his lap, in their bridal chamber, alone, and
stroke her vulva till she "spent," the chances are many to
one that he would have introduced her to such a joy that she
would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method is
infinitely superior to raping a bride, as is so
frequently done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who
"stands upon his rights!"
Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of
her own sex possibilities that she had never experienced an
orgasm—had never "spent"—could be "put wise" before
her bridal-night, if she could be instructed enough to lead her
to engage in some form of auto-erotism, bringing herself to an
orgasm with her own hand, just for the sake of the experience
it would give her, and so that she would have some clear idea of
what she really wanted, before she went into the arms of her
lover—if she could do this, in the right mental attitude,
it would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable
addition to her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers
that are latent within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such
act would be as nothing [pg 126]compared with the wisdom she
would gain by the experience. When innocence leads to harmful
results, it is time it was ended, and that knowledge takes its
place!
As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that
he will be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries,
since all healthy young men "spend" at least once a week,
automatically, if not otherwise!
Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may
be practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit,
when sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is
only when carried to excess that such action is in any way
harmful. The only danger is, that, the individual being alone and
having all the means for self-gratification in his or her own
hands, so to speak, it is quite possible to indulge in the action
too freely, which, of course, leads to bad results. But the
act itself is not bad. On the contrary, when kept within
bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.
There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially
widows, who would greatly improve their health if they practiced
some form of auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives
are forced to be much away from each other, it is right for them
to occasionally satisfy themselves in this way, their souls
filled with loving thoughts of the absent one the while.
There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As
a matter of fact, all boys masturbate, [pg 127]and many girls
also. Some authors claim that more than half of all women engage
in some form of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and
the estimate is probably too low rather than too high. But,
unless they carry the act to excess, they are guilty of no wrong.
Not infrequently, they may make the act a means of great good to
themselves. The sex organs are alive! They constantly secrete
fluids that need to be excreted, as all other organs of the body
do. They ought to be relieved, as their nature requires they
should be. If this cannot be accomplished as the most natural
way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best thing. Only,
it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all things.
Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or
masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse,"
nor is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be
self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be
thus.
[pg
128]
IX
COITUS RESERVATUS
This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual
exercise on the part of the husband and wife, as
follows:—
It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to
continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality,
mere physical gratification, into the realm of mental and
spiritual delight. To this end, let it be said at once
that such a condition can be reached, in the greatest degree, by
the practice of what is known, in scientific terms, as "coitus
reservatus," which, translated, means going only part
of the way in the act, and not carrying it to its climax, the
orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is now familiar,
it means, carrying the act only through the first and second
stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and
stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right
nor wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of
most happily married people have proved.
Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really
unites the first two parts of the act into a common whole, making
it simply one continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and
nothing more. [pg 129]It is almost entirely a mental
and spiritual love-embrace; and in its perfection, it exalts the
husband and wife to the topmost heights of mental and spiritual
enjoyment and expression.
To engage in this form of coitus, not nearly the effort
should be made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the
parties, as has already been described as fitting for complete
coitus. The orgasm is not the desideratum in this case, but it
is just a delightful expression of mutual love. It is a sort of
prolonged and all-embracing kiss, in which the sex organs are
included as well as the lips. They kiss each other, as the
lips kiss each other. It is "courting," par excellence,
without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any
kind.
In this act, the lovers simply drift, petting each
other, chatting with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in
any one or all of a thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over
the body," the husband's right hand being specially free and in
perfect position to stroke his wife's back, her hips, her legs,
and pet her from top to toe.
As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural
thing in the world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that
there should be a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids.
That is, the organs quietly and naturally make themselves ready
for meeting. And when they are duly tumescent, are properly
enlarged and lubricated, let the wife come over into her lover's
arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and the organs be slipped
together easily, [pg 130]delightfully, and then, let
them stay so, fully together, but do not go on with the
third part of the act, the motion of the organs. Just lie
still and enjoy the embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream,
enjoy!
This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the
lovers learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together
only a few minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the
parties get tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night,
and go to sleep. Although it is not at all uncommon for such
lovers, who have fully learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in
each other's arms, their sex organs united; and, in this
position, have the organs detumesce, the penis grow limp and slip
out of the vagina of its own accord, while the vagina also grows
small and the clitoris subsides. This experience is most
delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the
husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their
mutual benefit.
This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If
rightly used, it will not tend to increase the desire for
"spending," but it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the
sexual desires, most perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes
the inexperienced should "get run away with," and feel that it is
better to go on and have the climax, all right. But, as time goes
on, the practice of carrying the act only to the end of the
second part, will grow, and in due time be well
established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving
art will sometimes [pg 131]meet in this way a score of times
during a month or so, without once coming to the climax. Such
meeting can be as often as the parties choose, and of as long, or
as short duration as they elect. It is often an excellent way, to
say "good-night;" and if, on waking in the morning, there is time
before rising for a "little court," this slipping the organs
together, for "just a minute," is a most excellent way to begin
the day. The art is worth learning, and most people can learn it,
if they try, and are of the right spirit!
To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the
part of the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex
nature is of great value, sometimes, especially for use during
the unfree time. If, during these two weeks, the parties get
"waked up," and feel the need of sex exercise, they can satisfy
each other with their hands in a way that will be a great relief
to each. This is specially true for the husband; and a wife, who
is enough of a woman to thus meet her husband's sex-needs, with
her hand, when it is not expedient for him to meet her otherwise,
is a wife to worship!
Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which
time the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can
thus help her lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit.
Let love direct the way here, and all will be well.
And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will
produce effects on the genitals of the other which will
not be produced in any other way. [pg 132]Thus, a man may
hold his penis in his own hand for a given length of time, longer
or shorter, and no result will be effected, no secretion of
prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his wife take his penis
in her hand for the same length of time, and the flow of
prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether the
penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her
husband's limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even
though the organ remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will
take place! The same is true with regard to the husband's putting
his hand on his wife's vulva. Should she hold her hand
there, no pre-coital fluid would be secreted. With her husband's
hand there, the flow would at once begin.
This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon,
and it is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that
makes mutual masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A
husband can thus satisfy a wife with his fingers, or a wife her
husband with her hand, far better than either could bring himself
or herself to the climax alone. This point is of great import, in
considering many of the sex acts of husband and wife.
As a rule, let the husband and wife do whatever their
desire prompts or suggests, and just as they feel they would
LIKE to. Only this, let all be in moderation. Carry
nothing to excess!
Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may
coitus be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired
by both parties, but never to the point of weariness or
depletion of the [pg 133]physical, mental or spiritual
body. Use good sense here as elsewhere. We eat when we are
hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food. The same rule
holds with regard to sex exercise. Satisfy the calls of
nature, but NEVER, overdo the matter. BE TEMPERATE,
MANLY, WOMANLY! Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your
desire and your best judgment say is right. Use common sense, and
you will not go wrong.
And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the
one the other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO
RIGHTS) and greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition
with their wives. Per contra, there are some women who wear the
lives out of their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon
them for sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to
pieces" much faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy
such a woman, a man must spend at least once every time his wife
calls on him. This draws on his vital fluids, at every embrace;
but, as has been stated, there is no escape of vital fluid from
the woman, when she spends, and so she can reach and pass the
orgasm, time and again, and still not have her vitality taxed.
Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, the more
animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched
people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to
adjust themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in
mind the best welfare, each of the other.
There are records of women who delight to spend [pg
134]a dozen times in a single night. One queen made a law
that every man should cohabit with his wife at least seven times
each night! Of course, she was an abnormal woman, though the
author once knew a good orthodox deacon who would have been
delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for seven times a
night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was also
abnormal.
Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is
a very common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however,
except for each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within
the bounds of common sense and true temperance.
There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by
temperament, that they are obliged to rigorously
limit their acts of coition. Some men cannot engage in the
act more than once or twice a month and maintain their health.
For them, the act draws on their vitality so severely that it
quite upsets them, in almost every case. During the act, they are
subjected to nervous shocks, they "see stars," and undergo rigors
and nervous sweats which are severely debilitating. Often, too,
they will lie awake all night after engaging in the act, and be
more or less of a wreck for a day or two afterwards.
Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and
undergo similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases,
unusual care should be taken never to reach the point of
excess.
It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in
this regard, especially so if the difference [pg
135]between the two is of a pronounced nature, as when the
husband or the wife is very amorous and virile, while his or her
mate is unable to engage in the act, to any considerable extent,
without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, the best should
be made of the situation, the more robust party accommodating
himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of the other,
and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to
strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done,
the chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the
parties will grow more and more alike—the strong becoming
more docile and the weaker one more robust. Take time, love each
other, court and be courted, and only the best results trill come
of it all.
Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is,
they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal.
Many physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the
women who are reared in modern social life are thus
lacking. These women engage in coitus, though they get no
pleasure from the act. They never reach the orgasm, and have no
sensation of delight from the act; they seldom secrete the
pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or their
motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers,
and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to
be regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.
It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted
as thus lacking are not, really, so! [pg
136]Many women will begin married life wholly anesthetic,
and, often, sometime will become normal in this regard. This
often happens. The probability is that many wives are not
properly "courted" by their husbands—THE FIRST PART OF
THE ACT IS NEGLECTED, or the husband merely acts on his
rights—cohabits like a goat, all in an instant, anxious
only to gratify his own lust; and that, under such
treatment, the wife never gets a fair chance to really know her
own powers. Such cases are sad beyond telling. For the most
part, they are the result of ignorance on the part of the
husband, and innocence and wrong teaching—wrong mental
attitude—on the part of the wife. HENCE THE NEED OF
INSTRUCTIONS TO BOTH.
But if almost any woman will get the right mental
attitude toward sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has
been prescribed in these pages, the cases are rare indeed
where a woman can be found who is really anesthetic. If
you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against" such a condition,
try "courting," as herewith laid down, in a proper mood and
spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of
it.
On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope
of his ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are
many to one that he will never be able to satisfy his wife
sexually. He may be a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a
good husband, in the full meaning of that word.
On the other hand, if a woman marries for [pg
137]money, or a home, or position, or place, or power, or
a "meal-ticket"—for anything but love, she will
doubtless be anesthetic and stay so. She deserves to! She
sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may be a
"good woman," but she can never be a good wife.
The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex
organs can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties
concerned. And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it
all depends on the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule,
the status of the individual during the years of active life will
persist, even to old age, if the sex-functions are used and not
abused. There is no function of the body, however, which will "go
to pieces" quicker, and ever after be a wreck, as will the sex
organs, if they are not treated rightly.
And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check,
if denied all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to
the detriment of the whole nature, physical, mental, and
spiritual. The body will become "dried up," the sex organs
shriveled, and a corresponding shrinking of the whole man or
woman, in all parts of the being, is very apt to follow.
On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon
deprive the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will,
in his comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or
tumescence entirely, as a result of excess, either by
masturbation or from too frequent coitus; and on the part of the
woman, many unfortunate conditions are liable to [pg
138]arise. However, for reasons that have already been
stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced
amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise
without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who
should so indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can
far sooner wear the life out of a husband who is only moderately
amorous, than can an abnormally passionate husband wear out a
moderately amorous wife.
But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared
for during the years of active life, neither too much restrained
or too profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex
organs will remain, even to old age, with all their
pleasure-giving powers and sensations intact. This is a wonderful
physiological fact, which leads to a conclusion, as
follows:—
This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex
functioning, even to old age, is the supreme proof of the
fact that sex, in the human family, serves a purpose other
than reproduction!
For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches
the "turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is
between forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition
serves only to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of
increasing the probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is
the sole purpose of desire for sex intercourse, such
desire, such pleasure, ought to cease at that period of
feminine life. But this is by no means the case! If a wife
is a normal woman, sexually, [pg 139]and has neither
abused her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a
well woman, she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed
her three score and ten date in her life as she did before! She
may not care to engage in the act as frequently as in her younger
days; but if she is well courted by her old lover, all the joys
of the former days are still hers, to as great a degree as ever.
And what is true of her is true of her husband, if he is well
preserved, as she is, has never abused himself or been
abused.
This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big
premium on righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all,
it is a proof, beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in
humanity is something more than procreation, that there is such a
thing as the Art of Love, and that it ought to be taught and well
learned by every husband and wife, in their early married
life.
[pg
140]
X
CLEANLINESS
It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many
experiences of husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said,
that both parties should take great pains to keep their bodies,
all parts of them, always sweet and clean. Strange as it may
seem, many wives are exceedingly careless in this respect! It is
a matter of common report among men, that harlots take more pains
to make and keep their bodies, and especially their genitals,
clean and attractive, than many wives do! Surely, this ought not
to be so, and yet it often is.
And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that
springs from the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or
the husband feels that there is no longer any need of wooing each
other. All of which leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep
her whole body so sweet and clean that her husband can kiss her
from top to toe, if he wants to—and the chances are that he
will want to, if she so keeps herself! In the one case, such a
caress is a bit of [pg 141]heaven to a husband, in the other
it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight.
And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married
life has come!
The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water
before retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the
morning, after urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts
before union takes place. Let her be ever mindful to keep
her "love cup" worthy to meet its lover.
And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body
sweet and clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with
soap and water, at least once every day, drawing the foreskin
back so as to fully cleanse the indenture above the gland, which
secretes a substance that very soon emits an offensive odor
unless removed. Both parties should keep their arm pits so that
they will not be "smelly," and the feet should likewise be kept
inodorous.
One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is
that it spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife,
whereas it should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband
and wife cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and
keeping their bodies mutually attractive. As has already been
said, the sole aim of all the sexual experience of a husband and
wife should be to raise the function more and more away
from the plane of [pg 142]physical gratification and
elevate it continually towards the realm of mental and
spiritual delight. This is a mission of sex in the human
family that should be made the most of. It involves the
cultivation of the Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts,
par excellence.
The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex
relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man,
that all his actions should be those of a loving
gentleman. This does not mean effeminacy on his part—he
must be virile, bold, strong, aggressive, positive,
compelling. And yet, all these manly virtues must be
expressed in terms of loving and gentle ACTS. This is a
paradox, but it is true!
On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for
her to attain a correct mental and spiritual attitude toward
her own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their
common expression. All her training and environment now
hinder her from such achievement; but if she be a true woman, her
nature will reveal the truth to her, and if she will trust to
that—do what that prompts her to do, she will come out all
right. It will take time to reach such results; but if she will
persist, she will succeed. Let her come to the realization of the
fact that sex in men and women is not unclean, vulgar,
lowdown, sinful; but that it is clean, pure, lofty,
GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being
of both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical,
mental and spiritual noblest and [pg 143]best. Let the wife
get this view of the situation, which is the only true view, and
then let her act accordingly, and she will have attained. A
husband and wife who have reached this modus vivendi have
established a heaven on earth.
EDITOR'S NOTE
Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly
understood by the readers of this book. Since it is practically
impossible to conduct exact scientific tests under strict control
(the reason for which can be readily understood) there is much
difference of opinion among physicians and sexologists on this
subject.
Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree
with Dr. Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a
third group take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is
necessary. The publishers offer this explanation as a necessary
comment.
[pg
144]
XI
PREGNANCY
And now just a few words about having children, and this
treatise will end.
As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are
well enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished
with this world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two
children. The world needs at least so many, even if all children
lived and grew up, to keep up the constant number of people on
the earth. But, far more than this, the husband and wife need
children to make a home complete, and a complete home is the
supreme attainment of human life!
This does not mean that people should not marry unless they
can have children; there are many women who should never even try
to become mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual
joys for this reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good,
in most cases, that they should marry and so live normal sex
lives, in all respects except parenthood.
But, for the most part, husbands and wives can have
children, if they so desire, and they SHOULD so
desire.
And, so desiring, the question is, How can they [pg
145]best fulfil such desire?
As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known
about the begetting of children, and the securing of the best
results from such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet,
for the most part, unknown. But common sense would seem to
indicate a few things that must be best in the premises.
Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and
wife should be in good physical condition when a child is
begotten. More than this, it would seem right that the act of
begetting should be a deliberate, and not a mere
chance begetting. Hence, in general, it is well for the
husband and wife to agree upon a time for the begetting of
a child, and deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting for such
purpose. Although, one instinctively feels that such a
deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact—too cold and
formal, lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the
probabilities are that even this could be overcome, if kept in
mind and "provided for."
Referring to the things that have already been said, of course
an embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the
most perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in
an ecstasy of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls
and bodies into a perfect oneness—it would seem that from
such a meeting the best, and only the best results could
come.
And so if the husband and wife will agree that [pg
146]from a given time on, they will cease to have a care
to prevent conception; and then, sometime immediately
following the fifth day after the beginning of the menstrual
flow, they will naturally meet in a perfect embrace,
the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible
to secure the highest attainable results from the act of
begetting a child.
As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the
fifth and the tenth day after the beginning of the
menstrual flow. It is sometimes best, however, to make the
meeting earlier than this, even before the flow has ceased. Some
women will conceive then who cannot do so at any other time. And
so, if a wife should be unable to conceive between the fifth and
the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier date be tried. If this
should fail, consult a reliable physician.
It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children
too long, is very apt to result in the sterility of the
wife. Many a young wife, who has really wanted to have children
sometime, and who would be greatly grieved if she thought
she could not bear a child, has kept putting it off, and
has done this so often, and for so long, that, when
the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned
away her day of grace."
Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much
later than two years after marriage. There are, of course,
exceptions to this, but it is a good rule to go by.
Have your children when you are young! This [pg
147]is common sense, it comes out best in the long run,
and is the best thing to do, ninety-nine times in a hundred.
Then, you are nearer the age of your children as they grow up
than if you waited till you were in the late thirties before the
children came. If your son or daughter is only twenty-some years
younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them. If you are
forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old
folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far
better so.
If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife
consult a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the
parties is to blame—or even otherwise, make the best of the
situation, love each other, and make the most of wedded life with
what is left.
Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times
better with) make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the
human family, what married life is for—to make a home.
Nearly all that makes a home is centered around sex. No two
normal men can make a home! No two normal women can
make a home! It takes a man and a woman to make a home. It
takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect home.
Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your
utmost to reach that goal!
The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands
and wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during
pregnancy. On this point authorities differ, though most of them
hold against such practice. The reasons they give for [pg
148]such adverse decision are all based on the same old
infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is a mere animal, and
so is subject to the laws and practices of mere animality. This
is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false philosophy, which
is heralded as the will of God. Out on it, altogether!
The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have
mastered the Art of Love, so that they mutually desire
each other, and both long for sex exercise during the gestation
period, it is perfectly right and WISE for them to
satisfy their natural COMMON wishes.
Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken
not to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in
this regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by
the prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of
an orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently
against her husband, and so possible harm might result.
Especially if the husband-superior position is taken during the
act, he should be doubly careful not to permit the weight of his
body to rest upon the enlarged part of the wife's anatomy, not in
the least.
Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is,
the woman on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below
hers, so that there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen,
which is perfectly free, in this position. In this position, the
act may be engaged in, during pregnancy, as often as mutually
desired, to the benefit of both parties.
[pg
149]
Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during
the period of gestation. This is especially the case when the
wife is happy in her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding
great joy that she is on the way to experience the divine crown
of wifehood—maternity! When such a woman desires her
husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to deprive her of her
longed-for delight.
Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to
remain so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she
meets her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play,
thereby missing the utmost delights of an embrace—but if
she be pregnant, and so has no fear on this score, she can give
herself up to utter abandonment to her impulses.
On this point, the final word is, use common sense, in
a spirit of absolute MUTUALITY.
It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a
crime, for a husband to compel his wife to engage in
coitus during pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand,
many a wife has first experienced an orgasm when meeting her
husband during pregnancy. The reason for this is that her fear of
becoming pregnant is not then present—a condition which has
before kept her from the climax.
It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and
delight her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she
will relieve him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in
mutual relief by this means during pregnancy.
[pg
150]
XII
CONCLUSION
In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in
opening, that no apology is offered for what has been written or
said herewith. All has been set down in love, by a lover, for the
sake of lovers yet to be, in the hope of helping them on
towards a divine consummation.
As a final direction Master the Art of Love, which is
the divinest art in all the world; then study, and do your
best to master the Science of Procreation. It is these two,
the Art of Love and the Science of Procreation, that, together,
make married life a success. Without these, or, surely, without
the first, there can be no such thing as true marriage. Hence,
this is the first to learn, to master. It is worthy of the
most careful study, the most faithful experiment.
It is right for people who never can have children to marry,
and to share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far
better for a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to
have children—and a home.
Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of
this sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if,
out of such love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a
perfect home [pg 151]is established, then married life
is worth living. God has joined such together and nothing can put
them asunder.
This volume is not something to be read once, and then put
aside and forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon,
read again and again, especially by those who have difficulties
in married life to overcome. And for all young married
people, it should be a sort of Guide to Happiness that should be
frequently consulted and its directions "tried out" and followed
to the limit.
The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor
the wife can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself,
on the part of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow.
There can be no true marriage under such circumstances, because
there is no supremacy in true love, and it is only true love that
can make an abiding true marriage. In true marriage, such as both
God and Nature design should be, there is perfect comradery,
equals walking with equals, with the principle of love and mutual
helpfulness shared alike by both. Let no reader of this book
forget these primal facts, or fail to act in accordance with
them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!
Advertisements
WOMAN: HER SEX and LOVE LIFE
By Dr. William J. Robinson
416 Pages
Cloth
$3.00
No matter what books you have read on sex information, no
matter what question is agitating your mind, the information
given in this wonderful book will solve your problem. Dr.
Robinson not only gives a full treatise on the delicate formation
of woman's wonderful body, but he also explains the changes which
follow the intimate experiences of her sexual life. Men as well
as women must know what these changes are. No one, married or
single, can afford to be ignorant of the knowledge contained in
this wonderful book. One woman writes: "Woman: Her Sex and Love
Life has been a life saver to me. It has prevented a serious
error that would have been a blot upon my life."
A FEW OF THE 53 CHAPTERS
Reasons why a misstep in a girl is more serious than in a
boy
Sex knowledge of paramount importance to girls and women
The wife's attitude toward the marital relations
The female sex organs
The sex instinct
How to keep a husband's love
Who may and may not marry
Advice to girls approaching womanhood
Illegitimate motherhood
Advice to parents of unfortunate girls
What is love?
Late marriages and chastity in men
Harmful advice to young women
Birth control
Regarding flirtation
What a girl has a right to demand of her future husband
Advice to the married or those about to be
Importance of first few weeks of married life
Infatuation mistaken for love
Woman as man's chattel
Advice to the wife of the flirtatious man
The place love occupies in woman's life
Abortion and miscarriage
Three venereal diseases
Measures for prevention after sexual relations
Marital relations and frigid woman
The girl who lost her virginity
Treatment of sterility
Justifiable innocent deception
ORDER YOUR COPY of this important and valuable book at once.
You will never regret it. Certain single chapters are alone worth
the price asked for the entire book.
SEXUAL TRUTHS
Dr. Wm. J. Robinson, Editor
400 Pages
Cloth
NOW ONLY $3.00
This is one of the most unique books ever printed. Its value
cannot be judged simply from this brief description. You must
read it, become familiar with it, before you can understand why
so many of its readers tell us that it is one of the few books
they refuse to lend anybody—because they always want it
available.
"Sexual Truths" comes as an answer to the repeated requests
from sane, sensible people for the honest, straightforward
information about sex which they cannot find elsewhere. In this
book the full light of scientific reason penetrates every corner
of the sex question. The physical misery and the mental torture
caused by false teachings are banished. Get a copy of this
fascinating and daring book. Learn what the greatest Sexologists
have to say about this great question of life. Read the apt and
brilliant comments of Dr. Robinson.
One of the most valuable chapters of this remarkable book is
that which contains a reprint of a famous letter by Benjamin
Franklin, known as "Advice to a Young Man on Choosing a
Mistress." Few people are aware that this letter exists. The
United States Government is said to have paid $30,000 for the
original. This Secret Franklin Letter, in the estimation of many
people, is alone worth the price of the entire book.
Partial Table of Contents
Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never
referred to cause
Sexual abstinence and nervousness
Coitus interruptus as cause of nervous disease
Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness
Double standard of morality
Continence in the two sexes
Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless?
A problem in sexual ethics
Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition
Is Platonic love normal?
Female sex instinct in relation to morality
Regulation of offspring and sexual morality
Coitus and nightmares
Distinctions between male and female sex instinct
Death during sexual intercourse
False accusation of rape
Strikes against marriage in ancient times
Remarkable experiment in venereal prophylaxis
Effects of masturbation; a genuine human document
A remarkable letter by Benjamin Franklin
LOVE
A Treatise on the Science of Sex Attraction
By Bernard S. Talmey, M.D.
512 Pages
131 Illustrations
Cloth
Formerly $5.00—NOW ONLY $3.00
Because of the thoroughness and completeness of its contents
and the minute details discussed in each chapter, the sale of
this volume was formerly restricted to physicians. Now, however,
this unusually valuable book has been made available to the
general public; to those thoughtful men and women who desire to
know the real truths and the intimate details about sex and
love.
Partial Table of Contents
Love and civilization
Sex worship
Male internal sex organs
Female internal sex organs
Male external genitals
Female external genitals
Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal
vesicles, prostate, urethral glands, semen, erection,
ejaculation, nervous control, organism
Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female
ejaculation, function of vagina, of clitoris, course of the
sexual act
Quality of pleasure, symptoms of pleasure, orgasm, symptoms of
after-lust, intensity of libido, duration of copulation
Love and passion, development of individual love,
characteristic of the ideal woman's love
Emotions of eros and libido in men and in women, difference in
the two sexes, emotion of jealousy, woman's former
love-affairs
Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early
masturbation
Impotence in male, satyriasis, nymphomania, continence and
impotence, excesses in copulation, practice of withdrawal, four
types of impotencies in males, female impotence, frigidity,
sterility
Engagement rules, wedding day, positions of conjugation,
sequels of great frequency, pain of defloration, conjugation
during menstruation, conjugation during pregnancy, preparation of
the woman's muliebra in partial frigidity, offspring and sexual
life, sterile time for conjugation
History of marriage, promiscuity, consanguineous family,
female chastity, adultery, female morality and reason
Prostitution, clandestine vice, injury of abstinence, ethics
of evolution
This volume has never been sold at any time for less than
$5.00. But, in order to insure its widespread introduction, we
offer it at a special reduced price of only $3.00. special
reduced price of only $3.00.
